Nothing is missing

Over the last couple of days I couldn't help but feel like I am missing something with Parker. I have felt like he is broken and I need to fix him. The last 48 hours have been extremely difficult with him. I don't know what else to try with him. Tomorrow will be lots of phone calls and appointments to be made. But for now I feel at a loss. Ted has left on his latest TDY trip which always makes things harder with Parker.

Today I drug the kids to church and I do mean drug. We were late. I couldn't get them out the door. I felt like a 2 year old yelling "WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE FOR CHURCH, WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE FOR CHURCH." Tanner once told his scout leader that I am always late picking them up. Which in part is true. The part he failed to mention was that the children are the ones that usually make me late. But we got to church only 10 minutes late. God had that moment designed for me. I had already made up my mind that I didn't care what the pastor was talking about and what music we sang. If nothing else came about I would at least be without the children for 2 hours and not have to worry about them. Plus they were hearing scripture.

Once I got the children to their rooms I headed to the main sanctuary and found a seat. I did the usually shuffle of things. Set down my purse, turned off the blackberry, kicked off my shoes and decided I should sing a little. This is the only place I will completely sing at the top of my lungs. God said make a joyful noise. He didn't specify that it had to be in tune. As I started to sing I felt all the stress of the morning fading. One of the lines in the song today was "Nothing is missing, Nothing is broken." I didn't really get it. I just sang. Then the Holy Spirit helped me to hear it. Our pastor's wife got up on stage and gave testimony in the middle of the song. They had a troubled son at one point. She said "there is no dark place that God is not. The darkest place her son would go to was to much for her to hear or see but she knew that she could pray for her son and God was already there with him."

God is already with Parker. God designed Parker. All his quirks and outbursts and funny personality and cute smile, God designed him just the way he is. Parker isn't broken. The keys we need to help him are here. They are not missing.

One of the other things the pastor's wife talked about was when her mom died. She was talked to by a chaplain. The chaplain told her it was okay to be mad at God. Think of God as a great father. If you went to your father and beat upon his chest and said "why or I'm so mad" what would he do? A good father would wrap his arms around you. Our heavenly Father is a GREAT father. He knows your hurt and He understands your hurt like no one else. He still wraps His loving arms around you.

I didn't realize until today that I have been mad at God. My husband says he never gets mad at God because not all things come from God. I know that. But I still get mad at God. I have been mad and didn't fully realize it. I just swept it under the rug and pretended everything was fine.

I've been mad that we had to move, mad that Ted always has to leave, mad that he was gone all last summer, couldn't go anywhere this summer and will be gone for the holidays, mad that I feel like we try so hard with Parker only to be back at square one, mad that the children don't listen, mad that I pray and I feel like my prayers get stamped returned to sender, mad that I always have to be the strong one, mad that people judge me as a parent because Parker is having a hard time right now, mad that God has the power to STOP it all and heal my heart and it still hurts.

I cried in church today. I cried almost the whole service. At the point when you greet each other I must have looked a mess. Every woman that I said good morning to hugged me and told me that "they were glad to see me today." I didn't know any of these women. It might of just been something that they say to everyone. But I know that God was glad to see ME this morning. Not me sweeping everything under the rug but me. Me with the hurt heart, the frustrated and lost parent, the tired military spouse, just me.

Pastor's wife said when we release that hurt or anger, whatever it is that we used to put walls up around our heart, when we release that we remove the barrier from God. I have never thought about it like that. But she is right.

Every time I go to church I am blessed with a message that I feel was just for me. Nothing is missing. Nothing is broken. God is here in the dark places with us. He knows just how hurt my heart is. Now that I know it and except that I can accept His help to heal it.

If not you, then who?

This past week we chatted with Carole, founder of Widows Wear Stilettos. We talked about what happens when we get stuck in the "why me" phase of life. You can listen to the whole show here

One of the things that Carole said is "If not you, then who?" That is a statement that has stuck with me. I have thought about it in everything I have done the last couple days.

If not you to run the teenage pregnancy center, then who? If not you to help the homeless, then who? If not you to battle cancer, then who? The list is endless. We are meant to have abundant life. God longs to have a relationship with us. Our thought of abundant life could be a different version than what God has.

I long to follow what God has planned for me. I want to always do the right thing and say the right thing. If God laughs He laughs at me often. I like to call my AHA moments HELLO Honey moments. Just like a friend tapping you on the shoulder saying hello honey did you just see what you did?

Truth is as I write this I starting thinking I have an abundant life. I have to much life to fit into one day. Just take a look at my to do list. There is never a list I have that is complete at the end of the day. It's always transferred to the next day. It makes me realize that I have an abundant life. If I truly have to much to do in one day I have more than enough. If I have enough for today then I am wealthy.

I am going to try and remember, if not me then who? I am going to try and apply it to daily living. Now I won't take it as far as saying "If I don't do the laundry, then who will?" We all know the answer to those questions. When we were painting I wished I could have been like I dream of Jeannie and nod my head and it was done. I wish I could do laundry the same way. But until God grants me that wish it is I who does the laundry.(mostly)It is I who pays the bills and runs the kids. But when it comes to things like a new ministry or volunteer at school or help a friend in need, instead of just saying yes or no to quickly I am going to stop and think "If not you, then who?"

I challenge you to try it for a week and see what happens. Let's write about it together.

Today I feel free and frustrated

Well, who would have thought that this house buying process would get any more chaotic? I sure didn't.

I really wanted to be closed by the end of June so we could move out before the 1st of July and not have to pay rent. The end of June came and went and we still don't have a closing date. The more time that goes buy the more I am convinced we will be living in the Motel 6 for a few weeks.

Today I had to write our last rent check. That is a very freeing feeling. I felt like I was fighting an up hill battle to try and get closed and moved before the end of June. Then today after I wrote the rent check I felt free. We have 13 more days until we have to be out of this house. Doesn't matter where we go from here, we just have to be out of here in 13 days. I'm hoping that we will be closed on our house by this time next week. Only God knows if that will happen. We are truly only 30 days from our accepted offer.(tomorrow will be 30 days) July 8th will be 30 days that the bank has had all of our paperwork.

When I called the rental agency today I found out that we had no choice but to pay for the rent through July 14. I misunderstood her when she called to tell us we had to get out. It is a POSSIBILITY that they will prorate the rent and refund any portion we don't end up using. But she couldn't guarantee that because it's up to the owners. Maybe God was trying to plan this part all along and I just wasn't listening. I bet He knew that we had to pay those 14 days of rent. I bet it works out in His plan that we are here a few more days.

I do have faith that God has bigger and better plans for us than I do. I also have faith that God is way more capable of navigating this ship than I am. He has always taken care of us. He has always given us a place to live and met our needs.

I am frustrated that this process is overwhelming and chaotic. I am frustrated that things can't move faster. I'm frustrated that I am the middle man between my husband and the realtor and the messaging service for the mortgage broker. Right or wrong I told my husband that he needs to coordinate phone calls and things. I can't keep being the middle person. I get frustrated because I have no idea what is going on and then we get frustrated with each other because we talked to different people and don't know what's going on. I will admit that I am frustrated with my husband. I think he knows that. I feel like he isn't putting enough pressure on the mortgage broker. But my husband is a very laid back person. He is a very "it happens when it happens" type person. I am a very "let's get it done yesterday" person. So in situations like these it tends to add friction to our relationship.

I do know that the underwriters have asked for an amendment to our contract because the wrong zip code was on the contract and they have asked for our proof of insurance today. I'm hoping that since they have asked for the insurance paperwork we are getting to the final steps. Since I have no idea what the underwriting process is, I have no idea if we are close or not. I do know they have also looked at our credit and our income.

But today I am at peace about it. I wanted it to happen yesterday. Even two weeks ago. But I am reminded on a daily basis that I am on God's timing not my own. God's timing is perfect. God will put us in the house when we were meant to be. I just pray that it's more than 24 hours before we have to be out of this house!

Surprise me God...remind me what day we are on!

So I forget what day we are on with the faith experiment. I have gotten really good at saying surprise me God. Boy did I get a couple of surprises today. Not sure they were from God, but surprises none the less.

I went to therapy with Parker today. It's part of his A.D.D. treatment plan. We used to see his counselor once a week and now we are down to once a month. That is a huge blessing. SURPRISE! He was actually happy and excited when he talked to her. Usually he is all upset and grumpy.

Then we went shopping for paint. Colors, Colors every where! They all look so nice in the store and then you get them home and think to yourself "How did I ever end up with that color in the pile?" We decided to paint the bedrooms before we move in. That way we won't have to move furniture upstairs. Our downstairs is very open so painting won't require moving as much furniture.

I got home from shopping to find my husband here. SURPRISE! He worked until the wee hours of the morning, came home, slept and is now back at work. He will be working late today also. But when I came home he was on the phone working out our home owners insurance, called our broker and realtor today. SURPRISE!!!! WOOT WOOT! That is a huge surprise in my life. I usually have to remind, ask, remind, and NAG to get him on top of things. But today he took care of what needed to be done.

It's the last day of middle school for my oldest. How did she get to be this old already? Only a couple years and she will be driving. 1-1/2 years to be exact. YIKES. Once she starts to drive the insurance bill will be another great big SURPRISE!

Summer vacation has finally begun. No more alarm clocks in the morning, no more HURRY UP YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE, no more "HE WON'T LET ME SPIT!"(when they are brushing their teeth)

My laundry is saying SURPRISE! You forgot about me and now I have multiplied for you. You didn't even have to ask, I did it all by myself!

Surprise me God....I forget what day this is

Sorry for being absent from the blog. I'm not sure what I haven't blogged. Although there haven't been many surprises lately. Except for today. I have had a great ongoing conversation with God the last couple days. It is surprising that I am willing to keep the conversation going that long. Usually I hear something from God and say "yep, I don't think so Lord, please change what you'd like me to do."

I am beginning to think that this moving business was part of the enemy's way of getting in the way of the ministry that I am trying to form. We were sailing along. This were actually going better than I thought they would be at this point. Then we get the word to move. I really thought it was God telling us it was time to move on. But now after the conversation I have been having with the Lord I am not so sure this move came from Him. Because of this move everything with the ministry has taken a backseat. I do mean everything. I have managed to do the show and not really anything else.

Also, because of this move, our boys may have to be home schooled for another year or will have to return to a public school. God doesn't get in the way of His children doing what they are called to do. Satan does. I don't think this move is from God but I think He has blessed our path. The house we are about to close on is bigger than we thought we could afford, in a neighborhood that we thought we couldn't afford, has the right amount of land and we have a small subdivision. Those were things that were on the top of our list and God saw to it that we were provided for. He saw to it that we received the appropriate financing and the best people to work with. He has given me peace about moving. I hate to leave our current subdivision but I know we will be so happy in OUR own home.

Trying to close this fast on a house is not common. Usually you have a couple months to work through the things that need to get done. I keep saying that God is bigger than paperwork and God will see to it that we get what we need when we need it. I believe that. I, however, have felt the need to have a checklist of things that need to get done when and know what step we are currently on and who to yell at if it isn't moving fast enough. But is that really allowing God to work? Is that really believing that God is bigger than this paperwork mess? I don't think so. I have chosen to release the checklist.(although I never really had one to begin with, since we have never bought a house I have no idea what the process is) I do believe that we have to be obedient and follow God's lead. God will show us what needs to be done. I just have to have faith. Faith that God will take the lead, just like always. Faith that God will lead us where we need to be when. I need to lose the checklist and have a faith list. I am going to make a list of things I need to say to myself when I feel the need to control the situation. That will remind me to have faith in God and to let Him control the situation. Not me and my clipboard.

Since this whole moving business has come about I have felt distant from God. I haven't made time for Him. I am the one that has been away to long. He has been here waiting for me to return to our daily conversations. Through this whole process the Lord has had us in the palm of His hand guiding our journey. I am the one who has not trusted God with the process. I wanted to control the process. I feel like I have talked the talked and not walked the walked these past few weeks. I have strayed away from the secure feeling of doing what God wants me to do and filled it with junk. Really it is just junk. Moving is stressful and chaotic and lots of things have to be done but why can't I seem to find 10 minutes for God? Why can't I seem to find quiet? It's because I simply haven't done it.

So the surprise over the last couple of days is that I realized I have strayed away. I realized that even though not all things come from God, He has the power to change everything for His glory. Remember that no matter what secrets you think you have hid deep inside you, God knows them and He loves you anyway. He knows everything about you and still loves you to pieces. I am blessed to know that. I am blessed to feel that love. I am blessed to be here sharing that simple thing with you.

Surprise Me God Day 14

SURPRISE! Another day standing in amazement of God.

Today started slow. I got up and was able to enjoy some quiet time before the boys got up. I then did the radio show and worked on making changes to our networking site and some other updates that needed to be made since our show name changed.

I think the enemy got confused today. When I said surprise me God, I think the enemy felt the need to mess with me. When I called in for the show everything was fine and then all of a sudden on my computer screen it says "waiting for host to call in" I freaked out and thought "WHAT?How did that happen?" Today's show was about forgiveness. What does it mean to be forgiven? I think the enemy knew there were people that needed to hear the message and he was trying to get in the way. Silly creature. Doesn't he know that my God is bigger than him? WAY BIGGER! So when I realized what had happened I called back into the show and spoke with our guest speakers. After listening to the play back it all recorded, but better safe than sorry.

Then after the show I worked on some show stuff and getting things done that I had neglected all week due to house hunting. the phone rang and our realtor was on the other end. She said "CONGRATULATIONS!" We have an accepted deal. The house is ours. Well, once all the t's get crossed and the i's get dotted. We are asking for prayer that we will be able to close on the 25th as planned. It is a much faster process than would normally happen but God is bigger than paperwork. Since we weren't planning on buying our house until next year it has added a little financial strain right now. God is bigger than money. He will make sure we have what we need when we need it.

The biggest surprise I had today was when my husband and I were in the kitchen tonight. We were talking about the budget & he said "God has never let us go without. He has always met our needs." My husband is a very wise man. Truth is it will be a great feeling at the end of the day we can give the glory to God for making this happen.

I also had a deep thought today. I would rather be here with my husband then anywhere else. Not that I hadn't thought that before, I have. But I get homesick from time to time and I really had this overwhelming feeling that I am so thankful it's just him and I and our children here. It's hard to explain and I'm probably not doing a very good job.

The day wasn't full of AHA surprises like some days past. It was more of a peaceful it will be okay and God will see us through.

I'm so thankful for each and every moment that God allows me to see Him at work in my life. I'm going to try and be better about letting Him steer the ship.

Surprise Me God 14

Today. What can I say about today? I'm not sure that I will ever understand how powerful and miraculous God truly is.

Do you ever sit back and see how God has been at work during your current journey? That is where I am. Not long ago my husband I were going back and forth about buying a house and not buying a house. Renting for a year or finally buying a house. What do we do? What will work best for us? We finally decided to rent for another year.

In the subdivision where we live there is a semi-annual community wide yard sale. It is one that lots of people look forward to. I decided a couple days before that we would participate in the sale and get rid of the loft bed and the dressers that work well for smaller children's cloths. Then at the last minute we decided it was to much work and we would wait to sell that stuff until Ted had time to build the boys beds and dressers.

Off and on I would look at houses for sale or rent. I have often said that we need to move. We have been in this house to long, we need to move. Knowing that we would have to move eventually because this house is only a rental. Then we decided to stay here for one more year. I still had the desire to move.

God finally hit me on the head and said "HELLO HONEY! It's me God. The one in control. You are supposed to move. Why aren't you paying attention?" ~~~~~BAM~~~~~frying pan hits the head and we get our notice to vacate our house.

It was truly a God thing that we even ended up in this house. We weren't supposed to be able to rent it. Someone had their application in on the house before us. Well, their application fell through and here we are. If we wouldn't have ended up in this house my husband wouldn't have ended up with the unit that he is with.(that's a story for another day) We wouldn't have met some great people if we wouldn't have lived in this house. I think we were meant to be here for a purpose and now we are meant to move on.

The house that we are buying is not one that we could normally afford. We even thought that we wouldn't get financing for this house. We still have 2 car payments. But God once again said "would you please leave the details to Me?" It is a huge house in the neighborhood that we said we wanted to live and it is in our price range. How about that for a great surprise today? How about the builder stepping up to the plate and giving us more than we asked for in our offer? That is truly a God thing.

God continues to surprise and amaze me. Although I am not sure why I am so surprised. He is God after all. God knew a few months ago that we would be moving. He knew where He wanted us to go all along. We just weren't looking in the right place.

To show you a great illustration of how frazzled I truly am and How wonderful God is I will close with this story.

Yesterday we put in an offer on our house. We went to the commissary for a few items and came home. When we came home I got out of the car, my hands were full of paper and trash. Well I threw it all in the trash and instructed the girls to empty the trash. I went on to making dinner and getting stuff finished. Today I couldn't find my cell phone. I called the commissary and they didn't have it. I tore the house apart. I couldn't find it. I even went to the commissary to see if they had it. Nope. No cell phone. I was going back over where I last used it and when I can remember having it. I remember taking it into the house with me. Into the house where I dumped my hands full of stuff into the trash. Using my daughter's cell phone, I called home and asked my husband to dig through yesterdays trash to see if he could find my cell phone. Wouldn't you know it, there it was! My husband cleaned it up and put it on the charger. It was dead so I couldn't even call it so I could find it. If I would have thought about the trash one day later it would have been to late. The trash would have been in the trash truck on the way to the landfill. Still don't think God has a sense of humor? I sure think He does. I think He laughs at me often and says something like "Oh you silly child, good thing I am steering this ship."

Surprise Me God Day 13

Well, today was an ordinary day. I finally slept for once this week. I guess that could be a surprise. These blogs are running a day behing. SURPRISE. That's not really a surprise to me.

I didn't say surprise me God until late in the day today. I wasn't sure I could handle any more of the unknown showing up right in my face. But then again I guess it always does regardless of if I say surprise me God or not.

Our offer went in on the house. It isn't perfect. But what house is? Unless you custom build a house to meet your needs I don't think they are ever perfect. It has way more than enough space. I don't think I have enough furniture to fill it all. That's not a bad thing. I can surprise my husband. SURPRISE! We have new furniture. That would be a great thing.

I guess the biggest surprise I have is that I have peace about this situation. I an still anxious but maybe God is once again trying to teach me to be patient. Something I have struggled with my whole life. It seems like the further I stray from God the more impatient I become. Oh, now there is God talking to me. I didn't have that thought until just now. Maybe God was telling me I was straying a little and wanted me back on track. I am almost glad that He doesn't give us our whole life mapped out. Isn't it more fun to have a surprise now and then? Isn't it more fun to discover things then to have them told to you? I am having a blast with surprise me God. I am saying it more and more throughout the day.

Surprise Me God Day 12

PHEW! I am not sure I have the patience required to purchase a home.

Yesterday we had made an amendment to our offer before our agent took it over to the listing agent. We wanted to make sure we were getting sod and a sprinkler system and stainless appliances. They are standard in that neighborhood. They weren't on the listing so we put the amendment in just to be sure.

Then we spent the day waiting. SURPRISE! I don't know what to do with myself. I actually even did yard work. Those that know me well know yard work is not something I like. Not because I am to good for it or can't do it, I simply do not like it. It's HARD work and then it's hot and you get even more covered in sweat. YUCK!

None the less we did yard work getting our rental house ready for when we can move out. We went to Lowe's and bought a few things. I really wish we would have known last weekend that we were moving. We could have taken advantage of the discount at Lowe's. Oh well.

Then as we were getting ready for baseball our realtor called. She said that the builder came back with an offer. Now, we realized they were going to come back with a counter. We dropped the price $3,000, asked for closing cost, fridge allowance and a fence. We were willing to leave off the fridge allowance and fence if he was close to our price.(of course the builder didn't know that)

I feel like we came to the table to play. We are pre-approved for the loan, we gave him 1% earnest money and the counter he came back with is not even in the same ballpark. He would accept the price and pay closing costs, give us $2500 for APPLIANCES, and there will be no sod, sprinkler system or fence. If we wanted those things he was going to charge us $3,000 a piece to put them in.

ARE YOU KIDDING? SURPRISE! How can you expect to sell a house in a brand new subdivision without sod. At least in the front yard. $2500 for all appliances, Um I can barely get a fridge for that.(stainless)

We have never bought a home and when we were writing up the offer the realtor said offer a price that in the end you would feel like you got a good deal but is also fair. If you offer to low some people get offended and don't want to work with that person then. I can understand that. We also want the builder to make money. Especially in the economy. We realize he supports local businesses with the supplies and contractors he has to hire. It's okay that he makes a profit. I just want a fair deal. 200K for a brand new house and you aren't going to give us grass. Come on lets be serious for a minute.

Then after the shock wore off, I had to laugh. I think God has a sense of humor. When did negotiating grass become such an issue? Really that is kind of funny.

After we thought about it we aren't sure we are going to counter. There is one other house we have yet to look at before we counter. It is actually closer to where we want to be and has more square footage.

God gave me a day full of surprises. Surprise, Yard work! Surprise, Tanner(our oldest son)got 2 runs for his baseball team. SURPRISE, What a silly offer. Surprise! Can you believe we are worrying about grass? SURPRISE, Here is a bigger house for the same money that you didn't even consider. SURPRISE, Through everything God truly has me in the palm of His hand. I think He laughs at me sometimes and says "oh you silly child."

Surprise Me God Day 11

Today was another unusual day. I guess that's only because we have been searching hard to find the right house.

We found a very unique house that isn't that old but it would take Ted an hour to drive to work. Not sure we are willing to commit to that commute.

Then we saw a house that is almost exactly like the house we have. SURPRISE! We decided if we have to move we would rather not have something exactly like we are currently in. Although the one we saw yesterday was in much better shape.

Then we went with our agent to look at some homes at her office. We had been thinking off and on about new construction. SURPRISE! We found a house. In a great neighborhood that has a club house and a community pool. It's even in our price range. We put in an offer last night. SURPRISE look at all the money it's going to take just to close on the house. We are waiting to see if our offer is accepted.

We had to take Parker to the DR for his med check up yesterday. SURPRISE! His hearing in the left ear isn't quite right. So we have to go back to the DR in a month to have it rechecked. Maybe that is why the child talks so loud.

Not really many surprises or things happened yesterday. It was a long and exhausting day with the two boys in tow. That made looking at houses a little harder. They wanted to run around and climb on everything. Boys will be boys I guess.

I am thankful that I have a daughter old enough to babysit the other children while we went and did the paperwork. Otherwise it might have been SURPRISE! You have no hair left.

Surprise Me God Day 10

SURPRISE! You once again get this entry at the end of the day instead of at the beginning of the following day.

What a day it has been. I woke up with a headache. I'm sure it's because I haven't slept. Or at least felt like I haven't slept.

We did lots of driving around looking at neighborhoods today. We saw the inside of 10+ houses and only one maybe. That is frustrating. I saw this show called First Time Home buyers. I used to think the people were crazy for seeing 50+ houses before they finally put in an offer but now I think I will probably hit 50+ myself. One house we looked at today it was almost like SURPRISE! Here is your bedroom, only we thought it was supposed to be a closet so don't expect to fit a king size bed in here.

Then it was SURPRISE! We don't build houses for $200,000 that will fit 6 people comfortably.

SURPRISE! Here is a house that is almost perfect except it isn't in your school district and your husband will have to drive an hour each way to work.

I'm not sure today has been a good surprise day. Although I know not all things come from God so maybe the surprise was that He stopped anything negative that was coming. SURPRISEE! It wasn't really a bad day. Just plain old frustrating.

We looked at a house (and I am dead serious) on Yellowbrick Road and one on the corner of Pink and Purple Dr. Who thinks up these names? And if it is a job that pays can I have it? That would be a great surprise. I wonder if these builders hire people to only vacuum. If they did you know I would be all over that job. I could be the official vacuum and street namer lady. That would be my official title.

Tomorrow we have to look at houses in the morning so our bible study has been pushed back to 7 pm EST. If at all possible I am going to try and get it done tonight and post it for you to listen. Since the next few days will be full of surprises I'm not sure how much I'll actually be here. SURPRISE! That truly is a surprise to me. I am usually here working on things and trying to get stuff ironed out. Under normal circumstances I am not one to like surprises. If nothing else comes from this experiment, I believe that God hasn't forgotten me. Through the last 10 days I can honestly say that I don't feel like prayers are getting marked returned to sender. Although I am trying not to pray with requests. I am praying whatever you have for me today Lord. Maybe that is the difference. It's me not God. I'm sure that has to be it. It would be silly for me to think that God would change because of me, but surely I have changed because of Him.

Surprise Me God Day 9

Well, today was nothing but full of surprises.

My husband went to bed crabby and he woke up in the same state. SURPRISE! I asked him to turn off the alarm clock and he got mad because I didn't want it beeping for the next 30 minutes while he decided to get up. While I laid in bed listening to my husband getting ready I prayed Surprise Me God. I may have even said surprise me big today. I'm not real sure on that last statement because I was still very sleepy but I am sure I must of said it considering the way the day went.

From there the day just got more interesting. We (the boys and I)did some school stuff and I started the never ending loads of laundry. My cell phone rang just before the show was to start. Which is a surprise itself. My cell phone usually doesn't ring when people know I'm home because it doesn't get good reception. On the other end was the rental agency for our house. I answered it because I figured it was about the toilet issue or we were do for inspection. SURPRISE! It was answer D. none of those. We were told we have about 45 days to find a new home because the owners want to move back in. Now mind you I was set to go on air with the radio show 5 miutes from this phone conversation. My heart was racing so fast I'm not sure I did any justice to the show. But I did manage to pull it off.

I tried to call my husband before the show started. I couldn't get him on the phone. No surprise there. After the show I tried to phone him again. Still nothing. So what is a girl to do? Call your best friend of course! We talked for a while and I decided I should try and call my husband again. Still no luck. I finally called into the main shop so they could find him. Shortly after lunch he called back. I said "You need to stop the rent allotment because we have to move." Him "Why do we have to do that?" Me "Because the owners want to move back in and they have given us 45 days to move." Him "I'll be right home."

I am grateful that he has a job that he can leave and they understand. They understand that he is much better off to take a couple days and get this problem squared away then to spend all day on the phone at work or only doing half of his job.

My husband comes home and he thinks we need to buy a house instead of rent. SURPRISE! More work for me. SURPRISE! The mortgage company was able to approve us in a short time yesterday. I used to work at a real estate office. Back in those days (15 yrs ago) it took 30 days or more to get approved for a home loan.

SURPRISE! All the houses in our area sell for about $40,000 more than we are willing to spend. We could get the financing but refuse to pay $1600-$1700 a month. Which means we have to decide one of two things.
1. Move to an area where the girls will have to change schools but we can have an almost new house about the same size we have now.

OR

2. Continue to look in the school zone the girls need knowing we will have settle for something a little smaller and about 15 years old?

I'm not sure what the right answer is. No surprise there.

Today was full of surprises. I was to worn out last night to write about it. I got to the point where I didn't want to tell the story one more time. I was just tired of talking about it. Today instead of praying Surprise me big I said Lord could you surprise me with a great house? Then I said scratch that. Just surprise me. I don't care what it is. Just surprise me. I want to open all of the gifts you have for me today.

Surprise me God Day 8

Today isn't over yet but if I find any divine wisdom or surprises I will be sure to add them in.

I didn't do much today. We hung out at the house. Since it's Memorial Day we had a service to go to at my husband's unit. They always play Amazing Grace on the bag pipes at the Memorial Service. I cry. No surprise there. I am thankful for the person that invented waterproof mascara so I don't look like a raccoon by the time we leave.

I am sure the inventor of waterproof mascara must have been a women. A man wouldn't have thought that one out. Just like bras and pantyhose weren't a well thought out process.

I am getting way off topic. I tend to do that when I think to much. Or maybe it's to little.

Today is a day of remembrance. I am trying to be good about remembering those that serve and those that gave the ultimate sacrifice. I learned a few days ago that one of our scouts lost his dad in Iraq. The services will be this next week. If you happen to think about them over the next few days please pray for them.

Because of these great men and women I am able to blog about what I want, talk about what I want and do most of what I want. The next time you have a difference of opinion with someone make sure you remember that it's because of the service men and women that we have that freedom.

The radio show has almost doubled in listens since Thursday. That is a HUGE surprise.

The next few days/weeks will prove difficult for me. It's almost a year ago that I went home to be with my family. My grandma had decided to stop dialysis. We thought her battle wouldn't be long. In the end it was almost two weeks. She went home to be with the Lord and I was able to spend a few more days with her. That was a blessing. She was an amazing woman. If I seem a little out of sorts over the next few weeks that's why.

Surprise Me God Day 7

Today is beach day. I made sure to pack plenty of food and sunscreen. I was not going to let the sun get me this time. SURPRISE! It did. Only 30 minutes of sun exposure and I am burned. My face, chest and arms. I wasn't even in the water. I was simply watching the kids on the beach and collecting cool rocks/shells.

When the trend of the big floppy hat comes back you will know who started it. That would be me. I am going to search for a REALLY BIG one like Rachel had on an episode of Friends. That way I will be covered for sure.

The day was relaxing. I even took a nap in the lawn chair while the rest of my family played in the waves of the ocean. We stayed for about 5-6 hours. It was so peaceful. The kids kept themselves busy and didn't argue. SURPRISE! That was a nice treat. No arguing from the children is a true SURPRISE!

We packed up to come home and brought half of all the beach rocks and sand with us. No surprise there. I expected as much. I'm not sure what my children think they are doing with all these rocks and shells but if anyone notices a completely clear beach it's because all the rocks and shells are in my children's bedroom.

My husband didn't ask me to drive home. I didn't offer either. The nice part of him being home is that after a long day outing I get to nap in the passenger seat. I did just that.

Surprise Me God Day 6

We are headed to the beach. I will admit that I am playing catch up on the surprise me blog. That really isn't a surprise to me. Those who know me well would not be surprised at this. I'm not either.

I wanted to leave for the beach earlier than we did. That's not really a surprise either. I always want to leave for a trip or outing at a certain time and it never fails, we leave hours later. I guess I don't plan well or maybe I try to plan it to much. Point is, we left later than we thought. I figured, since my husband rarely lets me drive, that I would start writing the articles that I need to write. SURPRISE! He let me drive the whole way there! He didn't complain once! He only told me to turn around once! Since he had his dental surgery he hasn't been feeling the greatest so maybe God was giving him a natural sedative while I drove. In my defense I don't drive bad, my husband is just not a good passenger.

It didn't take as long as we thought to get to the beach. LOVE IT! SURPRISE! We checked into the hotel, ate dinner and went sight seeing. I think I had two surprises tonight.

1-How much food my youngest daughter can eat and how much more the bill is when you have 6 adult meals instead of 2 adults and 4 kids. YIKES! I thought I might have to make them wash dishes for a minute!

2-My youngest is now old enough and tall enough to drive his very own go cart. SURPRISE! Of course daredevil Parker loved it. I did not. They all drove very well. Only one accident and that was from my oldest son.

Today was relaxing and rewarding. Why is it I feel like I have to leave home in order to relax? Maybe because I don't know how to walk away from the computer when I am home.

Surprise Me God Day 5

What a surprise today has been. First, I decided on our new name. Which, if you are reading this then you know all about it! I am a firm believer that God's in control of my life. HOWEVER, I also believe that God expects you to act when He prompts you to do something.

A few months ago I was thinking about changing out name. I didn't. I didn't want to confuse people or start over with our progress. Then some things happened and we decided that we would change our name after all. It has been a few weeks and I went back and forth and back and forth. I like this name and now I don't. OH, I like this name and now I don't. Isn't it funny(not haha funny but ironic funny) that we started the Victoriously Frazzled study shortly before all of this happened? When I was in Lifeway picking out the study I thought to myself what a great word. What a great title for the study. Little did I know that it would play such a great part in our life. I realize that some people won't like our new name and some will love it. The bottom line is it doesn't matter what our name is. If we are doing God's work and following His lead He will bless the efforts. Our name could be POOP and I think as long as we are following God and being obedient that we would be blessed.

I took the leap and made a decision about our name and now bigger things are coming. More followers on Twitter, more listens to the radio show. I like to call them obedient blessings. I say it often but I want to make sure everyone knows, it's not about me, it's not about look at what I'm doing, it's about OH LOOK AT THE GREAT THINGS THAT THE LORD HAS DONE.

Today we are getting ready to head to the beach tomorrow. I think God is teaching me how to be adventurous and not have every minute of my life scripted. I like that. Although I am still attached to my to do list, I am finding ways to be spontaneous. I think my kids like it too. Although I did have a LONG list of to do's for them before we went to the beach. So maybe they aren't liking the new surprise me mom after all.

The biggest surprise I have had today was after I finally committed to our name change. I thought I would feel anxious and nervous but I felt at peace. I felt God calm my soul. He was telling me it would be okay. I think I might learn to like change after all.

Surprise Me God Day 4

Well, today was nothing if not interesting. Lots of little surprises throughout the day.

I did the bible study a little earlier than normal today. I had forgotten when I scheduled the appointments for the dentist that we were set to start the bible study. Trying to reschedule 3 dentist appointments could be a nightmare so we did the bible study a little early. I didn't feel connected like I normally do today. I normally rest and pray before we start. Today I was washing dishes, getting laundry done and yelling at the boys to get dressed, eat breakfast and all the morning stuff that they normally take their time at. We had to be on our way out the door right after the show today. So I felt a little more frazzled than normal. I guess it's good that our study is Victoriously Frazzled. I needed it more today than anyone.

We got to the dentist on time. SURPRISE! That usually never happens. Tanner once told his scout leader that I am always late. While that statement is true he forgot to add the part that I am always late because I have to be on top of the kids to get ready to walk out the door. The boys did well at the dentist. Despite their efforts to avoid brushing their teeth they didn't have any cavities. I on the other hand have two small cavities. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? SURPRISE! It's been probably 15 years since I have had a cavity so I guess I was due but still. I brush better than they do and I end up with the cavity.

There was a wonderful surprise in my email today. My dad sent me a short email to tell me how proud of me he was. We can never get to old to hear that our parents are proud of us. There was a time when my dad and I didn't speak. We had a rocky relationship. Now when I go home I love to visit my dad and step mom. Plus they always have a glass of yummy wine for me.

My husband isn't doing so well today. He had some dental work done yesterday. He had a fever last night so I assumed it was an infection. He went back today and they said everything looks fine. They thought it was just the trauma from the surgery. He has slept most of the day and is still sleeping now.(surprise! he's up now)

I did have a few nice surprises for CMWTR. A couple of guests lined up, couple new name ideas(which I have to post), and a vision from God that we are on the right track.

I am beginning to see God in things that I never paid attention to before. Just the little daily things of life that are blessings. The kids playing in the yard and just being kids. The neighbor boy was here today. He is 5. He was sitting on my couch and I was asking him about school. He said out of the blue "Jesus Loves Me!" I think that sums up the day. Jesus Loves me!

Surprise Me God Day 3

SURPRISE! You get the journal entry before tomorrow. That really is a surprise.

The last two days I have woke up in the most foul moods. I'm not sure why. I am really excited about the surprise me experiment. I am not one to embrace the unknown so this is a completely new concept for me.

I forgot to include for yesterdays entry that I got an email from Leanne at Military Avenue. Not really a surprise there, but she wanted out press release and player (for blog talk radio) so she could put it on their site as well. SURPRISE! It's not a surprise that I forgot to write about it yesterday. Lately I leave my mind where I last stopped. If you see it please return it to me. It will probably be hopping around trying to remember where it put the keys!

My husband had some major dental work done today. I figured he would be crabby and hard to deal with but he hasn't been. I know his mouth hurts and I am trying to take care of him the best way I know how but he is doing much better than I thought.

We found out today that my seven year old has a double header baseball game on Friday. At what point do they not play? I think a double header at that age is out of control but I don't make the rules.

The best surprise of all was when I was driving home from the commissary. (after I spent another $100, I shouldn't be surprised there) I got to thinking about how it's Memorial Day weekend and I actually have my husband here for once. We should do something. Onslow beach isn't far from us, so I decided on the way home we are taking a trip. We leave Saturday and come home Sunday but we are going on an adventure. It wasn't that long ago that I was complaining that my husband got to have all the adventures and changes since he was gone with TDY so much. God has really surprised me with our own little family adventures. 2 days here, 3 days there. It is really a refreshing experience.

I need to prepare for the bible study yet. That's not really a surprise either. Today was a pretty normal day with a few little nice things from God. No crabby children is one of them! Stay tuned. Who knows what tomorrow will hold!

Surprise Me God Day 2

Well, actually this is day three. I was to tired to write last night.

Yesterday was interesting. We are trying life with limited T.V. No television on when the kids are home and awake. We tape everything we want to watch anyway.(I guess that might show my age a little. I think the correct term is DVR not taped)

Yesterday afternoon I went and registered the boys for private school. I had this overwhelming feeling on the way home. I felt that I needed to register my oldest daughter for the private school also. I'm not sure if that was my feeling or God prompting me. I'm still praying for direction on that. Maybe the surprise was that He was giving me direction the whole time and I didn't follow. Wait. That wouldn't be a surprise. He's probably used to me doing that.

I only saw my husband for a few minutes yesterday. That's not a surprise either. Some days are like that at our house.

Last night when I sat and reflected on the day, I was in awe. Not because I was "surprised" a whole bunch but because I was really given confirmation. Confirmation that CMWTR is going in the right direction, that my family is right where we are supposed to be. My soul felt full. It felt light like it would fly away. I love those days. Days where nothing significant really happened but you connected with God and you realized it.

Today is a whole different story. But it's not over yet. I'll write about all my today adventures with God later.

Surprise Me God

Surprise me God by Terry Esau is a great book. I read it originally while my husband was deployed to Iraq the first time. I sent it to him when I was through and he read it also. It is a simple fast read book. He simply gets up every morning and says SURPRISE ME GOD! Not giving God his agenda or laundry list of to dos. Then he keeps his eyes open for God's surprises.

I think we all need to do this more. Instead of praying and then saying "Oh ya, could you fix,......" You fill in the blank. I know I do that.

So today I started. I was in the shower and said "Okay Lord, I know I'm in the way of some things and I don't know how to get out of the way. I'm going to try and not give you my request list today and just say SURPRISE ME GOD." So I tried all day to be mindful of that simple request.

I did school work with the boys like normal. Did some stuff for CMWTR. Tried to come up with a name and then quit. Made dinner, all the normal daily stuff. Except 9 loads of laundry isn't normal for a Monday. I guess that was a surprise today. But that was more of my own fault because I left it all weekend.

Later in the day I had this nagging feeling. A feeling of empty and alone. The one where you could sit down and cry for no darn good reason at all. Just to cry and say OH POOR ME. I guess that was a surprise today too. I didn't plan on that feeling.

Last year was a very difficult year for me. My grandma decided after 5 years of dialysis to stop. It was almost a year ago that I flew home knowing that would be the last time I was with her. Maybe that is part of this weird feeling that I have today.

We took the boys to buy batting helmets for baseball. They don't have to have their own but it makes life so much easier. SURPRISE! Look at the price. Now I'm sure God didn't change the price sticker before I walked in the door but it sure was a shocker. The last surprise of the day was on the way home. Okay last two. The boys DIDN'T FIGHT IN THE BACK SEAT! That is more of a miracle than a surprise. The last one being we went out and ended up spending hardly any money. After sticker shock on the helmets we found a good deal and I had a gift card so we hardly paid anything extra. Usually when my husband and I shop together we end up out $100 or more. SURPRISE! God said to keep it for other things.

You don't have to buy Terry's book in order to take part in the faith experiment. You can simply say SURPRISE ME GOD. But his book is a fun read. Take the plunge. Tomorrow simply say SURPRISE ME GOD. What will happen? You never know unless you say those three little words.