Grocery shopping has gotten a makeover at our house. I have done fairly well with saving money but still felt like we are spending WAY to much on groceries. I have been feeling like there has to be a way to save even more.
In addition to clipping coupons and ordering from the sites I have mentioned, I have almost eliminated all processed foods. Which keeps me out of the middle aisles of the grocery stores.
Let me share some of our ideas.
1. We no longer buy cereal. With a family of 6 buying organic cereal we were going through 8-10 boxes a week. Even with a coupon the cereal would still be almost $2 a box. So 8-10 boxes x $2 a box is $16-$20 or more a week. We now eat eggs, pancakes, waffles things that are much healthier and I typically have on hand anyway.
With the pancakes and waffles I no longer buy pancake and waffle mix. I have found some great easy recipes for things I already have on hand. It's much cheaper and it tastes better too.
2. I have become much better with making a menu and buying groceries based on that list. In the past I have gone back and forth with menu making. I am trying to be very diligent about this.
3. I have a calculator with me. I use the one on my Blackberry. I add up everything that goes into the cart. I have an idea of where I would like to be budget wise based on what I want us to spend a month. Last week I had a goal of $80. I spent $90. This week I wanted to spend $140 I spent $154. I over spent this week because I needed Clorox Wipes and they were on sale for almost $10. My overall goal for this month is $500-$600. Which is about $200-$300 less than it has been.
4. I have decided that no matter how crowded the commissary is, I have the right to be there. I have the right to take my time and save my family money. In the past I have always felt rushed when the aisles are full. No more being rushed.
5. I am shopping once a week instead of every other week. Regardless of if I only did big grocery shopping every two weeks or plan it out for each week it comes out about the same. I actually think I am saving some money this way. I get what we need for the week. When I would grocery shop every other week I was still in the grocery store for milk, bread, etc. and would end up with more in my cart because I thought we needed it or it was on sale.
6. As I mentioned earlier we don't buy hardly anything from the middle aisles of the grocery store. I used to buy the Keebler prepackaged cracker packs. They are easy to grab and better than some alternatives. But it's so much cheaper to buy a large package of crackers and have real cheese or peanut butter on those crackers than to have all the preservatives.
I now bake almost all of our bread. I'm not sure how much, if anything, we save but I can control what's going into the bread. I used to think this was difficult or not worth the time. I was wrong. It is fairly simple and while it does take time for the dough to rise, I am here anyway. Plus the house smells so good on the days I bake bread.
I also bake our cookies and sweets. Since I home school the boys we can use this as a learning lesson.
7. We don't buy fruit drinks or juices. Our kids drink diet consists of water and milk. They RARELY get Capri sun or anything like that. If I have coupons I will buy orange juice. Juice is expensive and can make your budget fat before you know it.
8. I am trying to buy meat when it's on sale and use what I have. Right now boneless skinless chicken breasts are on sale for $1.70 a pound. I stock up on sales like that. Normally they are $1.95 or $2.05 a pound.
9. I triple coupon at Harris Teeter. You can get a ton of stuff for next to nothing on triple coupon days. Most of it is processed foods. I do save coupons for these things in case I can get them on sale during triple coupons. Things like Chex Mix Bars, granola bars, soup, all the middle aisle stuff. If you don't have a Harris Teeter by you check out the local grocery stores to see if any of them offer double or triple coupons.
10. I am willing to adapt for the benefits of our family. As our family ages our needs change. The kids are older and eat more. Which means that our food budget goes up. I am basically feeding 4 adults and 2 children now. Some days it feels like I am feeding 6 adults. The boys usually eat more than I do for dinner. (not to worry, they are healthy. They are not overweight)
I feel a bit of victory when I walk out of the grocery store and stay close to my goal. Before I never had a goal I just threw it in the cart. But by paying closer attention to what is going into the cart it does save us money.
Share your money saving tips!
Showing posts with label Shannon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Shannon. Show all posts
Monday, October 12, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Down Sizing
When I hear the word down sizing I am used to thinking of negative things. Whether it's layoffs or selling a home, I tend to see it as a bad thing.
Today I felt completely overwhelmed. I'm not sure why. The radio show went well, the boys school work went rather quickly, I have assessed why I think Tanner is having problems and have a process to help correct it, got the kids to practice, my husband is home.........Basically a good day. But I couldn't shake this feeling. I do have a lot on my plate but don't we all these days?
One of the jobs I currently have is Child Care Coordinator for my husbands unit. When there is an event that we provide care for, I organize the sitters and the RSVP's for care. In the next two weeks we have 4 different events that I have to be at the unit for.
Tonight as I had a girlfriends children at their soccer practice, I realized that my husband just came home and I have NO down time with him. I am still running like a mad woman.
I have made the executive decision to down size my work load. What a great idea! If I have something on my plate that will not matter that I did it or someone else did it AND I don't enjoy it, I am getting rid of it! I will no longer be the child care coordinator. I used to enjoy doing it. Now I grit my teeth every time I think about it. God had a reason and a season for me to do that job. I think that season has passed.
It's hard to say you can't or won't do a job that you signed up for. But if it makes you miserable why do it?
So tonight I am down sizing things. Anything I can get my hands on. What are you willing to let go of?
Today I felt completely overwhelmed. I'm not sure why. The radio show went well, the boys school work went rather quickly, I have assessed why I think Tanner is having problems and have a process to help correct it, got the kids to practice, my husband is home.........Basically a good day. But I couldn't shake this feeling. I do have a lot on my plate but don't we all these days?
One of the jobs I currently have is Child Care Coordinator for my husbands unit. When there is an event that we provide care for, I organize the sitters and the RSVP's for care. In the next two weeks we have 4 different events that I have to be at the unit for.
Tonight as I had a girlfriends children at their soccer practice, I realized that my husband just came home and I have NO down time with him. I am still running like a mad woman.
I have made the executive decision to down size my work load. What a great idea! If I have something on my plate that will not matter that I did it or someone else did it AND I don't enjoy it, I am getting rid of it! I will no longer be the child care coordinator. I used to enjoy doing it. Now I grit my teeth every time I think about it. God had a reason and a season for me to do that job. I think that season has passed.
It's hard to say you can't or won't do a job that you signed up for. But if it makes you miserable why do it?
So tonight I am down sizing things. Anything I can get my hands on. What are you willing to let go of?
Monday, August 31, 2009
Exciting News
I have some great things to share with you. Sara Horn, founder of Wives of Faith, will be joining FMWCN as our co-host. This will allow us more interaction and a different perspective. Sara's husband is Navy reserve, so she brings with her what it's like to be on the reserve side of the military.
We are working on selecting our newest bible study. Please click the link and vote on which on you would like to see us do.http://www.wivesoffaith.org/pollfall-bible-study
Also log on to the networking site http://frazledmwcn.ning.com We are considering moving the show to an evening format. There is a poll on the site. Let us know what you think. Wives of Faith will be using the live chat feature on the networking site as part of the Survival Sister program. Make sure to register on the WoF site for membership. You can then select to participate in this program. http://wivesoffaith.org
Tomorrow's show is with Stacy, a life coach, about finding your purpose. We get wrapped up in our crazy military life and forget that God has a purpose for us as well.
We are working on selecting our newest bible study. Please click the link and vote on which on you would like to see us do.http://www.wivesoffaith.org/pollfall-bible-study
Also log on to the networking site http://frazledmwcn.ning.com We are considering moving the show to an evening format. There is a poll on the site. Let us know what you think. Wives of Faith will be using the live chat feature on the networking site as part of the Survival Sister program. Make sure to register on the WoF site for membership. You can then select to participate in this program. http://wivesoffaith.org
Tomorrow's show is with Stacy, a life coach, about finding your purpose. We get wrapped up in our crazy military life and forget that God has a purpose for us as well.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
How I save on groceries
Okay, so some have asked and I thought I would share how I grocery shop. Today I saved $52.41 off of a bill that was $214. I typically save $100 or more on groceries and household items a month. We are a family of 6.
The very first thing I do is order coupons. Now you make think that by ordering coupons it defeats the purpose. WRONG! There is a great site call The Coupon Clippers. http://thecouponclippers.com You pay a shipping and handling fee to get the coupons mailed to you. You can select the coupons you want and the quantities. Occasionally on really good coupons there is a limit to the amount you can get. New coupons usually post each Saturday.
I also use My Points. If you don't know about them you should. You get points for shopping online, reading email, referring friends, AND EVEN PRINTING COUPONS AND USING THEM AT THE GROCERY STORE. These are the same coupons that are on coupons.com but when you print them from the My Points site you get to save the money from the coupon and add points to your point bank on My Points. When you redeem 10 coupons a month you get a bonus of 25 points. I have gotten gift cards for Cracker Barrel, Subway, On the Border and a few others. When you have enough points you can redeem them for gift cards. Enough about My Points, back to saving......
Once I have my coupons I sort them by category. HBA, Cereal/Breakfast, Household, meat, frozen, dairy, canned goods. I bought the trading card plastic sleeves to put the coupons in. Those plastic sleeves are in a basic three ring binder.
Once I am grocery shopping I pull out the coupon that I will use and put it in the front top pocket of the binder. If the store has a better coupon than mine I use the store coupon. If it is a product that I use regularly I will take more than one coupon and put it in the bottom front pocket of the binder, to be organized later. That way I have more for next time. I typically don't by a lot of processed stuff unless I have a coupon for it and can get it dirt cheap. So on weeks where I stay out of the middle aisles of the grocery store I don't save as much. I have learned to NEVER EVER pay for price for HBA stuff. (toothpaste, lotion, shampoo, conditioner, razor blades, all that stuff)
I do occasionally have coupons that expire before I use them. Wives of Faith is sending our expired coupons to military families overseas. The families can use them for up to 6 months after they expire. What a great treat for them! Go to Wives of Faith click on programs and then Coups for Troops for more details.
Share your grocery saving tips in the comments section. I love hearing ideas. I used to comparison shop Harris Teeter, but by the time I spend the gas to get there and back it's not really worth it unless I am on that side of town already. I mostly shop at the commissary. I am not even the best at this game but I am getting better. What are your saving tips?
EDITED TO ADD: Check out A Full Cup. It's a great saving site. They will help with coupon match ups and all sorts of things like that. They even have a section where you can sign up for FREE STUFF! I have gotten backpacks, DVD's, make-up, all sorts of stuff.
The very first thing I do is order coupons. Now you make think that by ordering coupons it defeats the purpose. WRONG! There is a great site call The Coupon Clippers. http://thecouponclippers.com You pay a shipping and handling fee to get the coupons mailed to you. You can select the coupons you want and the quantities. Occasionally on really good coupons there is a limit to the amount you can get. New coupons usually post each Saturday.
I also use My Points. If you don't know about them you should. You get points for shopping online, reading email, referring friends, AND EVEN PRINTING COUPONS AND USING THEM AT THE GROCERY STORE. These are the same coupons that are on coupons.com but when you print them from the My Points site you get to save the money from the coupon and add points to your point bank on My Points. When you redeem 10 coupons a month you get a bonus of 25 points. I have gotten gift cards for Cracker Barrel, Subway, On the Border and a few others. When you have enough points you can redeem them for gift cards. Enough about My Points, back to saving......
Once I have my coupons I sort them by category. HBA, Cereal/Breakfast, Household, meat, frozen, dairy, canned goods. I bought the trading card plastic sleeves to put the coupons in. Those plastic sleeves are in a basic three ring binder.
Once I am grocery shopping I pull out the coupon that I will use and put it in the front top pocket of the binder. If the store has a better coupon than mine I use the store coupon. If it is a product that I use regularly I will take more than one coupon and put it in the bottom front pocket of the binder, to be organized later. That way I have more for next time. I typically don't by a lot of processed stuff unless I have a coupon for it and can get it dirt cheap. So on weeks where I stay out of the middle aisles of the grocery store I don't save as much. I have learned to NEVER EVER pay for price for HBA stuff. (toothpaste, lotion, shampoo, conditioner, razor blades, all that stuff)
I do occasionally have coupons that expire before I use them. Wives of Faith is sending our expired coupons to military families overseas. The families can use them for up to 6 months after they expire. What a great treat for them! Go to Wives of Faith click on programs and then Coups for Troops for more details.
Share your grocery saving tips in the comments section. I love hearing ideas. I used to comparison shop Harris Teeter, but by the time I spend the gas to get there and back it's not really worth it unless I am on that side of town already. I mostly shop at the commissary. I am not even the best at this game but I am getting better. What are your saving tips?
EDITED TO ADD: Check out A Full Cup. It's a great saving site. They will help with coupon match ups and all sorts of things like that. They even have a section where you can sign up for FREE STUFF! I have gotten backpacks, DVD's, make-up, all sorts of stuff.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Final Bible Study Tomorrow
Well tomorrow will bring an end to our Walking by Faith Bible Study. What did you like best about the study? What did you learn about yourself?
The biggest thing I learned through this study is that whatever is going on in my life may not be right with my circumstances but it can be well with my soul. I never really took that to heart until lately. The other discovery I had is that our military marriages are under attack. I know mine was/is. I know that I have to fight for it daily.
Tomorrow we welcome your questions/comments for Jennifer. You can call in and ask a question or share your testimony with her. Our call in number is 347-237-4281. If you aren't comfortable asking your question live on air you can also ask it in the chat room and we can read your question/comment to Jennifer.
I hope each of you have enjoyed the study as I have. Our bible study will take a couple weeks off and resume either Sept 17 or 24th. It depends on the length of the study and what we actually chose to do. However, after speaking with Sara this evening, I think it is wise if we chose a bible study that covers our marriages. In a quick search tonight I came across Hope for the Homefront and Loving your military man. Each of which could be a good fit. If you have a suggestion for the bible study please send it our way.
The next bit of exciting news I have is that Sara from Wives of Faith will be joining me on a weekly basis to help host the show. I am so excited to have her with us. I know that the interaction will be great and I know that God will open doors for each of us to help military wives. Pray for us as we embark on this new journey. If you would like to co-host or be apart of the show just let me know! Two heads are better than one, four heads are better than two, and so on.
Each week with our regular radio show we have different topics and guest speakers. Send us your suggestions for show topics and guests. If you are thinking of something you want to hear chances are so is another spouse.
During our live shows I forget to announce that we can take your calls. I usually mention something at the beginning and then forget again. At any point during the live show you can call in with your comments or suggestions. The call in number is 347-237-4281.
We are growing our message boards. I am so happy that you all are making it your own. Feel free to post messages, pictures, comments, start groups, just about anything. The great feature about the site is that it has live chat available. http://frazledmwcn.ning.com
Wives of Faith has a great newsletter. Make sure to sign up on their site so you can receive it. http://wivesoffaith.com There is also a link on the NING site, and our main web-site. www.fmwcn.com
As always if you have any questions, concerns, or prayer requests send them to me. My direct email is shannonb@fmwcn.com
The biggest thing I learned through this study is that whatever is going on in my life may not be right with my circumstances but it can be well with my soul. I never really took that to heart until lately. The other discovery I had is that our military marriages are under attack. I know mine was/is. I know that I have to fight for it daily.
Tomorrow we welcome your questions/comments for Jennifer. You can call in and ask a question or share your testimony with her. Our call in number is 347-237-4281. If you aren't comfortable asking your question live on air you can also ask it in the chat room and we can read your question/comment to Jennifer.
I hope each of you have enjoyed the study as I have. Our bible study will take a couple weeks off and resume either Sept 17 or 24th. It depends on the length of the study and what we actually chose to do. However, after speaking with Sara this evening, I think it is wise if we chose a bible study that covers our marriages. In a quick search tonight I came across Hope for the Homefront and Loving your military man. Each of which could be a good fit. If you have a suggestion for the bible study please send it our way.
The next bit of exciting news I have is that Sara from Wives of Faith will be joining me on a weekly basis to help host the show. I am so excited to have her with us. I know that the interaction will be great and I know that God will open doors for each of us to help military wives. Pray for us as we embark on this new journey. If you would like to co-host or be apart of the show just let me know! Two heads are better than one, four heads are better than two, and so on.
Each week with our regular radio show we have different topics and guest speakers. Send us your suggestions for show topics and guests. If you are thinking of something you want to hear chances are so is another spouse.
During our live shows I forget to announce that we can take your calls. I usually mention something at the beginning and then forget again. At any point during the live show you can call in with your comments or suggestions. The call in number is 347-237-4281.
We are growing our message boards. I am so happy that you all are making it your own. Feel free to post messages, pictures, comments, start groups, just about anything. The great feature about the site is that it has live chat available. http://frazledmwcn.ning.com
Wives of Faith has a great newsletter. Make sure to sign up on their site so you can receive it. http://wivesoffaith.com There is also a link on the NING site, and our main web-site. www.fmwcn.com
As always if you have any questions, concerns, or prayer requests send them to me. My direct email is shannonb@fmwcn.com
Monday, August 24, 2009
America's past time
Tonight I am tired. I have to much to do in a short period of time. I have felt very out of sorts. It might be because in less than 24 hours I will officially have a high school child.
Tonight marks the start of fall baseball. While I am less than happy that we have a 7:30 game the night before school starts, I am thrilled that I get to watch the boys play baseball.
I am thankful that there are men and women fighting for our country so I have the freedom to watch baseball and complain and the schedule.
To all the service men and women, thank you for your service. Thank you for standing up to those that want to harm our great land and saying to them "not on my watch." I will be forever grateful to each and everyone of you.
Tonight marks the start of fall baseball. While I am less than happy that we have a 7:30 game the night before school starts, I am thrilled that I get to watch the boys play baseball.
I am thankful that there are men and women fighting for our country so I have the freedom to watch baseball and complain and the schedule.
To all the service men and women, thank you for your service. Thank you for standing up to those that want to harm our great land and saying to them "not on my watch." I will be forever grateful to each and everyone of you.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
marriages under attack
Lately I have been feeling disconnected from my husband. It usually happens when he goes away. I have felt annoyed with him for leaving. Not only leaving but having some rather nice TDY trips. All while I am home doing the same thing day in and day out without much change.
This past week I was in Wisconsin. I decided last minute to take a trip with the kids. A trip my husband knew nothing about until he called one day. He'd call a few days later to see how our vacation was going. I became extremely irritated with him. I even told him so. I drove 18 hours one way to see my family. With 4 kids and 2 dogs in tow.That is not much of a vacation.
I have some great friends around me that I am thankful for everyday. When I called on them to step in and cover the radio show this week they did without hesitation. On Thursday I was driving back to NC from WI. I called in and listened to the bible study. When Sara prayed for military marriages that are under attack a light bulb went off in my head. The last two years my marriage has been under attack. I just never realized that the enemy was at work. All the signs were/are there. It was easier to be mad at my husband.
With so many TDY trips and a constant deployment cycle its easy to be married and not really married if that makes sense. Now let me clarify that. My husband and I live in the same house, have the same goals, same children, we still love each other but with the cycles of TDY and deployments its easy to just co-exist in the same place. It becomes easy to disconnect from each other. With any separation its normal to pull away and distance yourself from each other. When separation happens all the time its even easier to stay disconnected. Let me also clarify that my husband and I still do normal things. We still enjoy each other and our family. We still love each other very much. But for me I have felt disconnected from him. I realize now that that was the enemies plan all along.
There was a time not so long ago that I started to envision my life as a divorced person. All the TDY and deployment was simply to much for me. But God didn't design marriage to end in divorce. All the while I was going through this I had great friends around me praying like crazy for us. My husbands version of how this time frame played out and how I remember it are completely different.
I was completely unsettled. Annoyed easily. Angry at everything. Looking around the corner for the next reason to be mad at him. I stayed mad at him all the time. Which made staying disconnected from him all the time that much easier. He used to say "I know you are mad at me. It's okay that you are mad at me. The Army is to big to be mad at. It doesn't have a face or a name to be angry at." I had never thought that it was the enemies plan to get into those places that I hate. To get into TDY and deployment and use it to draw my husband and I apart. I don't know why I haven't thought about it before. Having this light bulb go on I have someone else to fight. I have someone else to be mad at. I have someone else to tell to go away. So Satan, get out of the way. This is one marriage I refuse to let you get.
This past week I was in Wisconsin. I decided last minute to take a trip with the kids. A trip my husband knew nothing about until he called one day. He'd call a few days later to see how our vacation was going. I became extremely irritated with him. I even told him so. I drove 18 hours one way to see my family. With 4 kids and 2 dogs in tow.That is not much of a vacation.
I have some great friends around me that I am thankful for everyday. When I called on them to step in and cover the radio show this week they did without hesitation. On Thursday I was driving back to NC from WI. I called in and listened to the bible study. When Sara prayed for military marriages that are under attack a light bulb went off in my head. The last two years my marriage has been under attack. I just never realized that the enemy was at work. All the signs were/are there. It was easier to be mad at my husband.
With so many TDY trips and a constant deployment cycle its easy to be married and not really married if that makes sense. Now let me clarify that. My husband and I live in the same house, have the same goals, same children, we still love each other but with the cycles of TDY and deployments its easy to just co-exist in the same place. It becomes easy to disconnect from each other. With any separation its normal to pull away and distance yourself from each other. When separation happens all the time its even easier to stay disconnected. Let me also clarify that my husband and I still do normal things. We still enjoy each other and our family. We still love each other very much. But for me I have felt disconnected from him. I realize now that that was the enemies plan all along.
There was a time not so long ago that I started to envision my life as a divorced person. All the TDY and deployment was simply to much for me. But God didn't design marriage to end in divorce. All the while I was going through this I had great friends around me praying like crazy for us. My husbands version of how this time frame played out and how I remember it are completely different.
I was completely unsettled. Annoyed easily. Angry at everything. Looking around the corner for the next reason to be mad at him. I stayed mad at him all the time. Which made staying disconnected from him all the time that much easier. He used to say "I know you are mad at me. It's okay that you are mad at me. The Army is to big to be mad at. It doesn't have a face or a name to be angry at." I had never thought that it was the enemies plan to get into those places that I hate. To get into TDY and deployment and use it to draw my husband and I apart. I don't know why I haven't thought about it before. Having this light bulb go on I have someone else to fight. I have someone else to be mad at. I have someone else to tell to go away. So Satan, get out of the way. This is one marriage I refuse to let you get.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Off and running again
Well my time in Wisconsin is almost over. Tomorrow we hit the road and back to NC we go. It's hard to believe we have been here for almost a week already. It has been a much needed break for me. I haven't done much of anything. The kids have been without me more than with me. I love that I have family that takes the approach divide and concur. With four kids I think the kids have that same approach when it comes to their dad and I.
I am sad to leave. Usually at the end of every trip home I am ready to leave. I am ready to have my own bed and my own stuff. You would think that I would be itching to get home since we just bought our house. But I really don't want to go. I want to stay here. This time when I go home I will go home to an empty house. Which isn't completely unusual. But I am tired of going home to an empty house. Just me, the kids and the dogs.
While I am sad to leave and sad that I have to go home to am empty house again, I am happy that God is showing me how to have adventures of my own. I felt a sense of accomplishment when I added the oil to the truck and fixed the tire pressure. I am amazed that I even know what the proper tire pressure should be on the tires. I did it. With no help from anyone else. (except my husband telling me the correct air pressure but that was months ago so it doesn't really count :)) I have a feeling I will be having many more things that I need to adventure and do. Especially since we own our house now. Granted we have a builder warranty which saves us a ton of frustration and money.
It's not that I haven't been able to do these things or willing. But when I have a husband home I have an attitude that "my husbands home I shouldn't have to do those things." That is his job. He doesn't scrub the toilets and I don't fix things. It's sort of an unwritten rule that we have. I need to have more of a can do attitude. Who knows what I will fix next. But rest assured I will not be seen on the show Renovation Realities. In case you haven't seen the show it goes something like this: Ordinary people take on home renovation. They know little to nothing about it and allow a camera crew to tape it. I told my husband I am not delusional enough to think I can tackle home renovation and I'm not silly enough to allow someone to film it if I do decide to try it. Now painting doesn't count. I have become a pretty good painter. Still not perfect and I have to have Clorox wipes handy in case I touch the trim, but I have gotten better over the years.
I have learned that I can travel from North Carolina to Wisconsin by myself with the dogs. I have learned that it's okay to take the kids on an adventure when their dad is gone. Although I hate going anywhere without their dad it will be okay. He doesn't expect us to live our life on hold while he is gone. I have learned some things about my family. No matter how much I agree or disagree with things they are still my family. No matter how much they agree or disagree with me they are still my family. They still welcome me home whenever I come, offer to take my kids so I can have a break, and are happy to see us when we come. It makes me sad to leave.
I am sad to leave. Usually at the end of every trip home I am ready to leave. I am ready to have my own bed and my own stuff. You would think that I would be itching to get home since we just bought our house. But I really don't want to go. I want to stay here. This time when I go home I will go home to an empty house. Which isn't completely unusual. But I am tired of going home to an empty house. Just me, the kids and the dogs.
While I am sad to leave and sad that I have to go home to am empty house again, I am happy that God is showing me how to have adventures of my own. I felt a sense of accomplishment when I added the oil to the truck and fixed the tire pressure. I am amazed that I even know what the proper tire pressure should be on the tires. I did it. With no help from anyone else. (except my husband telling me the correct air pressure but that was months ago so it doesn't really count :)) I have a feeling I will be having many more things that I need to adventure and do. Especially since we own our house now. Granted we have a builder warranty which saves us a ton of frustration and money.
It's not that I haven't been able to do these things or willing. But when I have a husband home I have an attitude that "my husbands home I shouldn't have to do those things." That is his job. He doesn't scrub the toilets and I don't fix things. It's sort of an unwritten rule that we have. I need to have more of a can do attitude. Who knows what I will fix next. But rest assured I will not be seen on the show Renovation Realities. In case you haven't seen the show it goes something like this: Ordinary people take on home renovation. They know little to nothing about it and allow a camera crew to tape it. I told my husband I am not delusional enough to think I can tackle home renovation and I'm not silly enough to allow someone to film it if I do decide to try it. Now painting doesn't count. I have become a pretty good painter. Still not perfect and I have to have Clorox wipes handy in case I touch the trim, but I have gotten better over the years.
I have learned that I can travel from North Carolina to Wisconsin by myself with the dogs. I have learned that it's okay to take the kids on an adventure when their dad is gone. Although I hate going anywhere without their dad it will be okay. He doesn't expect us to live our life on hold while he is gone. I have learned some things about my family. No matter how much I agree or disagree with things they are still my family. No matter how much they agree or disagree with me they are still my family. They still welcome me home whenever I come, offer to take my kids so I can have a break, and are happy to see us when we come. It makes me sad to leave.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Comforts of Home
I often wondered why military wives would move back home during a deployment. The thought had never really occurred to me. We have school aged children so another move would have made their schooling more difficult. I have always chosen to stay put and ride out the deployment at what ever duty station we happen to be at.
Over the last few months I have been struggling to find my balance. At the end of May we received notice to move out of the house that we were renting. In 45 days we managed to find a house to purchase and move. Right after we moved my husband had another TDY trip.
I'm tired of TDY. I'm tired of deployment. I understand this is the life we signed up for. No one held a gun to our head and said you have to do it. No one said that my husband HAD to take the job with a special ops unit that makes him away from home more. I accept that we chose this life. For the most part I love our life. I actually love that we are a military family. While TDY and deployments are difficult there are many other great benefits. But that is for another blog entry.
Lately I feel like my husband and I are leading two separate lives. He is gone a lot. He has gotten to go on a pretty nice TDY trip this time. To a country that I will probably never see. I feel disconnected. Our overall goal is the same. But I feel like our path is changing. While we are married we almost have a double life. The life we have when he is home and the life we have while he is gone. When he is gone we are still married with four children, we still live at the same house and have the same friends and family but I am chasing after 4 children, one with special needs compared to the other 3, laundry, dogs, ministry, taking care of my husband, all the stuff we normally take care of while they are gone. On TDY trips I feel like my husband gets to have an almost single life. While he isn't out searching for a new wife or anything like that, he gets to go out with the guys in his class, see local attractions, and do whatever he wants to when he isn't in class.
A few days ago I decided that I would take a trip home to see my family. One last summer fun trip before the kids head back to school. I have only been home a few days but I have already learned things about myself that I didn't know or maybe didn't realize.
In this small town very few things ever change. My friends and family live in the same place. It only takes 5 minutes to get from the north side of town to the south side of town. Everyone knows about the mom and pop run shops that are here and they use them.
When I was growing up my grandma and grandpa owned a local bar. Everyone in town knew them. Everyone knew our family. Which made the possibility of getting into trouble and getting away with it almost nonexistent. I love that everyone knows everyone. I can drop my children off with family or friends and it's not a major event to go back and pick them up. It takes 5 minutes. At night you can leave your windows open and enjoy a breeze or listen to the critters outside. There isn't a worry about someone breaking in or stealing your children. It's your average middle class American town. This small town is where I grew up. I realize now how much I really enjoy the comforts of home.
At whatever duty station we were at I have had friends around me that have become almost like my family. We take care of each other. Because that is what military families do. It's not the same as being home and having family around you. I have taken great comfort in my town that never changes. Knowing that everything in town is only 5 minutes away.
After being home the last few days I understand how military wives chose to go to their home town during deployments. Although there may or may not be many military resources in your home town there is a comfort of just being home. Being home with things that are familiar.
I have also realized during this trip that I might be feeling this way because we bought our house. We bought our house and the reality is we won't be moving any time soon. Until my husband chooses to retire from the military or requests to change units we will be where we are. I should take comfort in getting to know my town better. I should take comfort in knowing that I have great friends there. Truth is many of them are military and we all know what that means. Before to long they will move. Over the last 10 years we have lived in 6 states and 9 different houses. It always turned out that we were the ones moving. I did well with that. I liked moving. I liked the adventure and knowing that we were getting to see and live in places we would have never lived otherwise. But now we will be stationary while my husband continues to come and go. Our friends will be the ones on to new locations.
I will be sad to leave here. But the show must go on. The kids start school soon, the yard will need to be mowed, the house will have things that need to be done, and I have a town to discover and make my own.
Over the last few months I have been struggling to find my balance. At the end of May we received notice to move out of the house that we were renting. In 45 days we managed to find a house to purchase and move. Right after we moved my husband had another TDY trip.
I'm tired of TDY. I'm tired of deployment. I understand this is the life we signed up for. No one held a gun to our head and said you have to do it. No one said that my husband HAD to take the job with a special ops unit that makes him away from home more. I accept that we chose this life. For the most part I love our life. I actually love that we are a military family. While TDY and deployments are difficult there are many other great benefits. But that is for another blog entry.
Lately I feel like my husband and I are leading two separate lives. He is gone a lot. He has gotten to go on a pretty nice TDY trip this time. To a country that I will probably never see. I feel disconnected. Our overall goal is the same. But I feel like our path is changing. While we are married we almost have a double life. The life we have when he is home and the life we have while he is gone. When he is gone we are still married with four children, we still live at the same house and have the same friends and family but I am chasing after 4 children, one with special needs compared to the other 3, laundry, dogs, ministry, taking care of my husband, all the stuff we normally take care of while they are gone. On TDY trips I feel like my husband gets to have an almost single life. While he isn't out searching for a new wife or anything like that, he gets to go out with the guys in his class, see local attractions, and do whatever he wants to when he isn't in class.
A few days ago I decided that I would take a trip home to see my family. One last summer fun trip before the kids head back to school. I have only been home a few days but I have already learned things about myself that I didn't know or maybe didn't realize.
In this small town very few things ever change. My friends and family live in the same place. It only takes 5 minutes to get from the north side of town to the south side of town. Everyone knows about the mom and pop run shops that are here and they use them.
When I was growing up my grandma and grandpa owned a local bar. Everyone in town knew them. Everyone knew our family. Which made the possibility of getting into trouble and getting away with it almost nonexistent. I love that everyone knows everyone. I can drop my children off with family or friends and it's not a major event to go back and pick them up. It takes 5 minutes. At night you can leave your windows open and enjoy a breeze or listen to the critters outside. There isn't a worry about someone breaking in or stealing your children. It's your average middle class American town. This small town is where I grew up. I realize now how much I really enjoy the comforts of home.
At whatever duty station we were at I have had friends around me that have become almost like my family. We take care of each other. Because that is what military families do. It's not the same as being home and having family around you. I have taken great comfort in my town that never changes. Knowing that everything in town is only 5 minutes away.
After being home the last few days I understand how military wives chose to go to their home town during deployments. Although there may or may not be many military resources in your home town there is a comfort of just being home. Being home with things that are familiar.
I have also realized during this trip that I might be feeling this way because we bought our house. We bought our house and the reality is we won't be moving any time soon. Until my husband chooses to retire from the military or requests to change units we will be where we are. I should take comfort in getting to know my town better. I should take comfort in knowing that I have great friends there. Truth is many of them are military and we all know what that means. Before to long they will move. Over the last 10 years we have lived in 6 states and 9 different houses. It always turned out that we were the ones moving. I did well with that. I liked moving. I liked the adventure and knowing that we were getting to see and live in places we would have never lived otherwise. But now we will be stationary while my husband continues to come and go. Our friends will be the ones on to new locations.
I will be sad to leave here. But the show must go on. The kids start school soon, the yard will need to be mowed, the house will have things that need to be done, and I have a town to discover and make my own.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Where do I go?
Okay, so my husband is gone. It's still summer vacation. Although I feel like I haven't had much of a vacation. With moving and husband leaving we really haven't had much down time.
Last week the kids were at Operation Purple. I was so thankful to have the time with just my husband. We almost didn't know how to act. While we were at the B&B I had this feeling like I should go home for a trip. I quickly dismissed it when Parker starting having issues at camp. It wouldn't be fair to him to not seek the help that we might need for him. We have that pretty much taken care of. Then today I was in the shower and had the feeling to go home again. I talked myself out of it for numerous reasons. The kids start school in 10 days, we just bought a house, it's a long drive by myself, I have a couple of appointments to rearrange. The list goes on. Then as I was driving to the commissary I had the thought that if God wants me to go home he would provide the means for us to do so. Which I agree with.
Since starting this bible study, Walking by Faith, I am trying to listen more and speak less. But if I am meant to go home then I need to know that answer now. I'm not trying to be selfish of put time limits on God but with such a short time before school starts I need to know what to do.
So I sit here writing this, after I have yelled at the children for not putting dishes away properly, and still ponder the thought. What's a girl to do? Maybe I'm meant to go home for me and not for someone else in my family. So what do you think? What would you do?
Last week the kids were at Operation Purple. I was so thankful to have the time with just my husband. We almost didn't know how to act. While we were at the B&B I had this feeling like I should go home for a trip. I quickly dismissed it when Parker starting having issues at camp. It wouldn't be fair to him to not seek the help that we might need for him. We have that pretty much taken care of. Then today I was in the shower and had the feeling to go home again. I talked myself out of it for numerous reasons. The kids start school in 10 days, we just bought a house, it's a long drive by myself, I have a couple of appointments to rearrange. The list goes on. Then as I was driving to the commissary I had the thought that if God wants me to go home he would provide the means for us to do so. Which I agree with.
Since starting this bible study, Walking by Faith, I am trying to listen more and speak less. But if I am meant to go home then I need to know that answer now. I'm not trying to be selfish of put time limits on God but with such a short time before school starts I need to know what to do.
So I sit here writing this, after I have yelled at the children for not putting dishes away properly, and still ponder the thought. What's a girl to do? Maybe I'm meant to go home for me and not for someone else in my family. So what do you think? What would you do?
Monday, August 10, 2009
Joy Comes in the morning.
There is scripture that says joy comes in the morning. It is even part of our Walking by Faith bible study. I couldn't tell you right now where it is in the bible or even the entire scripture. But I know the last part of the verse is joy comes in the morning.
I have been left with all these emotions that I don't know what to do with. I really want to pull the covers over my head and hide for a few weeks. In hopes that all this stuff would just go away.
Today I missed my husbands call. I haven't had the opportunity to speak to him at all since he left. Which could be a huge part of my funk. I usually start to adjust more once I have had the chance to talk to him.
Parker seems to be settling in to his own again. He isn't as off the map as the last couple of days. We took a trip to the library. I am going to start reading to the boys at night after they are tucked in. We picked a couple of chapter books to read together. Right now we are reading The Monsters of Morley Manor. It is a cute book. My hope is it will help them settle down at night and then not fight with each other after I turn out the lights. Tonight it worked. WOOHOO. Not sure it will work every night but it did tonight. Plus I figure it's a good way for Ted to plug into the routine when he gets back. He can read to them and I can have 5 minutes of peace. Who are we kidding? My 5 minutes will be filled with to do's. But at least I won't have to yell up the stairs for the boys to settle down and go to sleep.
I can feel my can do spirit finding it's way back. I can do this single parent thing with the 4 kids. I can take care of the house and all the upkeep. I can run this ministry. I can eat healthy and work out. I can find me again.
Here's to all the military wives staying the course and carrying on without their service member. Here's to having our days of melt downs like a two year old but knowing our joy comes in the morning. Here's to finding the joy and our can do spirit.
I have been left with all these emotions that I don't know what to do with. I really want to pull the covers over my head and hide for a few weeks. In hopes that all this stuff would just go away.
Today I missed my husbands call. I haven't had the opportunity to speak to him at all since he left. Which could be a huge part of my funk. I usually start to adjust more once I have had the chance to talk to him.
Parker seems to be settling in to his own again. He isn't as off the map as the last couple of days. We took a trip to the library. I am going to start reading to the boys at night after they are tucked in. We picked a couple of chapter books to read together. Right now we are reading The Monsters of Morley Manor. It is a cute book. My hope is it will help them settle down at night and then not fight with each other after I turn out the lights. Tonight it worked. WOOHOO. Not sure it will work every night but it did tonight. Plus I figure it's a good way for Ted to plug into the routine when he gets back. He can read to them and I can have 5 minutes of peace. Who are we kidding? My 5 minutes will be filled with to do's. But at least I won't have to yell up the stairs for the boys to settle down and go to sleep.
I can feel my can do spirit finding it's way back. I can do this single parent thing with the 4 kids. I can take care of the house and all the upkeep. I can run this ministry. I can eat healthy and work out. I can find me again.
Here's to all the military wives staying the course and carrying on without their service member. Here's to having our days of melt downs like a two year old but knowing our joy comes in the morning. Here's to finding the joy and our can do spirit.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Nothing is missing
Over the last couple of days I couldn't help but feel like I am missing something with Parker. I have felt like he is broken and I need to fix him. The last 48 hours have been extremely difficult with him. I don't know what else to try with him. Tomorrow will be lots of phone calls and appointments to be made. But for now I feel at a loss. Ted has left on his latest TDY trip which always makes things harder with Parker.
Today I drug the kids to church and I do mean drug. We were late. I couldn't get them out the door. I felt like a 2 year old yelling "WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE FOR CHURCH, WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE FOR CHURCH." Tanner once told his scout leader that I am always late picking them up. Which in part is true. The part he failed to mention was that the children are the ones that usually make me late. But we got to church only 10 minutes late. God had that moment designed for me. I had already made up my mind that I didn't care what the pastor was talking about and what music we sang. If nothing else came about I would at least be without the children for 2 hours and not have to worry about them. Plus they were hearing scripture.
Once I got the children to their rooms I headed to the main sanctuary and found a seat. I did the usually shuffle of things. Set down my purse, turned off the blackberry, kicked off my shoes and decided I should sing a little. This is the only place I will completely sing at the top of my lungs. God said make a joyful noise. He didn't specify that it had to be in tune. As I started to sing I felt all the stress of the morning fading. One of the lines in the song today was "Nothing is missing, Nothing is broken." I didn't really get it. I just sang. Then the Holy Spirit helped me to hear it. Our pastor's wife got up on stage and gave testimony in the middle of the song. They had a troubled son at one point. She said "there is no dark place that God is not. The darkest place her son would go to was to much for her to hear or see but she knew that she could pray for her son and God was already there with him."
God is already with Parker. God designed Parker. All his quirks and outbursts and funny personality and cute smile, God designed him just the way he is. Parker isn't broken. The keys we need to help him are here. They are not missing.
One of the other things the pastor's wife talked about was when her mom died. She was talked to by a chaplain. The chaplain told her it was okay to be mad at God. Think of God as a great father. If you went to your father and beat upon his chest and said "why or I'm so mad" what would he do? A good father would wrap his arms around you. Our heavenly Father is a GREAT father. He knows your hurt and He understands your hurt like no one else. He still wraps His loving arms around you.
I didn't realize until today that I have been mad at God. My husband says he never gets mad at God because not all things come from God. I know that. But I still get mad at God. I have been mad and didn't fully realize it. I just swept it under the rug and pretended everything was fine.
I've been mad that we had to move, mad that Ted always has to leave, mad that he was gone all last summer, couldn't go anywhere this summer and will be gone for the holidays, mad that I feel like we try so hard with Parker only to be back at square one, mad that the children don't listen, mad that I pray and I feel like my prayers get stamped returned to sender, mad that I always have to be the strong one, mad that people judge me as a parent because Parker is having a hard time right now, mad that God has the power to STOP it all and heal my heart and it still hurts.
I cried in church today. I cried almost the whole service. At the point when you greet each other I must have looked a mess. Every woman that I said good morning to hugged me and told me that "they were glad to see me today." I didn't know any of these women. It might of just been something that they say to everyone. But I know that God was glad to see ME this morning. Not me sweeping everything under the rug but me. Me with the hurt heart, the frustrated and lost parent, the tired military spouse, just me.
Pastor's wife said when we release that hurt or anger, whatever it is that we used to put walls up around our heart, when we release that we remove the barrier from God. I have never thought about it like that. But she is right.
Every time I go to church I am blessed with a message that I feel was just for me. Nothing is missing. Nothing is broken. God is here in the dark places with us. He knows just how hurt my heart is. Now that I know it and except that I can accept His help to heal it.
Today I drug the kids to church and I do mean drug. We were late. I couldn't get them out the door. I felt like a 2 year old yelling "WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE FOR CHURCH, WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE FOR CHURCH." Tanner once told his scout leader that I am always late picking them up. Which in part is true. The part he failed to mention was that the children are the ones that usually make me late. But we got to church only 10 minutes late. God had that moment designed for me. I had already made up my mind that I didn't care what the pastor was talking about and what music we sang. If nothing else came about I would at least be without the children for 2 hours and not have to worry about them. Plus they were hearing scripture.
Once I got the children to their rooms I headed to the main sanctuary and found a seat. I did the usually shuffle of things. Set down my purse, turned off the blackberry, kicked off my shoes and decided I should sing a little. This is the only place I will completely sing at the top of my lungs. God said make a joyful noise. He didn't specify that it had to be in tune. As I started to sing I felt all the stress of the morning fading. One of the lines in the song today was "Nothing is missing, Nothing is broken." I didn't really get it. I just sang. Then the Holy Spirit helped me to hear it. Our pastor's wife got up on stage and gave testimony in the middle of the song. They had a troubled son at one point. She said "there is no dark place that God is not. The darkest place her son would go to was to much for her to hear or see but she knew that she could pray for her son and God was already there with him."
God is already with Parker. God designed Parker. All his quirks and outbursts and funny personality and cute smile, God designed him just the way he is. Parker isn't broken. The keys we need to help him are here. They are not missing.
One of the other things the pastor's wife talked about was when her mom died. She was talked to by a chaplain. The chaplain told her it was okay to be mad at God. Think of God as a great father. If you went to your father and beat upon his chest and said "why or I'm so mad" what would he do? A good father would wrap his arms around you. Our heavenly Father is a GREAT father. He knows your hurt and He understands your hurt like no one else. He still wraps His loving arms around you.
I didn't realize until today that I have been mad at God. My husband says he never gets mad at God because not all things come from God. I know that. But I still get mad at God. I have been mad and didn't fully realize it. I just swept it under the rug and pretended everything was fine.
I've been mad that we had to move, mad that Ted always has to leave, mad that he was gone all last summer, couldn't go anywhere this summer and will be gone for the holidays, mad that I feel like we try so hard with Parker only to be back at square one, mad that the children don't listen, mad that I pray and I feel like my prayers get stamped returned to sender, mad that I always have to be the strong one, mad that people judge me as a parent because Parker is having a hard time right now, mad that God has the power to STOP it all and heal my heart and it still hurts.
I cried in church today. I cried almost the whole service. At the point when you greet each other I must have looked a mess. Every woman that I said good morning to hugged me and told me that "they were glad to see me today." I didn't know any of these women. It might of just been something that they say to everyone. But I know that God was glad to see ME this morning. Not me sweeping everything under the rug but me. Me with the hurt heart, the frustrated and lost parent, the tired military spouse, just me.
Pastor's wife said when we release that hurt or anger, whatever it is that we used to put walls up around our heart, when we release that we remove the barrier from God. I have never thought about it like that. But she is right.
Every time I go to church I am blessed with a message that I feel was just for me. Nothing is missing. Nothing is broken. God is here in the dark places with us. He knows just how hurt my heart is. Now that I know it and except that I can accept His help to heal it.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Do you ever feel like you're failing?
I wonder if parents should receive report cards. I wonder what mine would look like. Since we have 4 children it is rarely quiet at our house. I rarely have a morning, afternoon or evening that doesn't involve some sort of disaster in children world.
From about 4 years old I knew that Parker was different. He definitely beats to his own drummer.(he is now 8)Last year during my husbands deployment I took him to the pediatrician and explained what was going on. I had thought that he has had A.D.D. since about the age of 4 but no one would listen to me. I kept getting the standard answers "he's just a boy", "well you do have to take into consideration that his dad is gone" or "you have to take into consideration that his dad just came home."
For a while I accepted these answers. But last year I was at the end of my rope. I knew that something was different. I felt it. The way only a parent can. It took convincing my husband that Parker should take meds. In the end I decided Parker would take them. Ted was gone and it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission. But by the time Ted got here he was okay with it.
Parker's case is mild. I have worked in the school system and seen kids that are extreme. I'm thankful that I don't face those challenges. Which adds to my thoughts that maybe this isn't A.D.D.
The last year has been a struggle. Alternative parenting has seemed to work with Parker. We have changed medications a couple of times. I am thankful for a great pediatrician and counselor.
But lately I can't help but wonder if it's not A.D.D. I wonder if maybe it's something else. I'm not really sure what that something else is. When he takes his meds there isn't a whole lot of difference then when he doesn't. It does give him more focus but not much more. At our last medication check the pediatrician said that if I felt that this dose isn't working we should get a referral to a psychiatrist just to make sure something else isn't going on. I thought that this dose was working. But to be honest, it's summer. We aren't sitting for long periods of time or doing things that require him to be still.
If he is with an adult that is familiar to him he seems to do okay if I'm not there. It's when he is with an adult that he's not familiar with and I'm not around that we have a problem. He tends to tell stories or act out more. The latest episode was at Operation purple Camp. He did fine for the first few days. He was so excited to go. Then yesterday we get the call that every parent dreads. Parker isn't doing well. He made up a couple of stories that seemed real to him and he kept walking away from the group. I talked to the camp director and to Parker. Parker said he wanted to stay and try again. Today wasn't any better. I ended up having to go and pick him up today.
We've known that he has had an issue with fantasy vs. reality. He knows the difference for the most part. But if he has a dream that feels real he thinks it really happened. It's something that we have been working on in counseling.
The staff at OPC said that Parker was respectful he just was just withdrawn and didn't want to participate.
Driving to pick him up today I felt(and feel) like I have failed Parker some how. Like there could/should be more I am doing for him. Although I don't know what that is. I don't know if this is just an out of control child that I have created or if there is something more to it than that. I know that each child is different. We have 4 and they are all very different. But how can 1 of the 4 be completely off the map? How can I justify to the other three all the extra time that Parker requires?
I feel like I'm falling down on the job with Parker. I don't know how to put things on track with him and still balance life with the other 3. My husband is fixing to go TDY again. The latest round of it. He will come home and then deploy. I can see the effects deployment is having on Parker. His mood swings and general behavior are always worse when Ted comes and then goes again. All the kids act out a little. It's normal. Parker is usually off the map.
Do you ever feel like you are failing? I sure do.
From about 4 years old I knew that Parker was different. He definitely beats to his own drummer.(he is now 8)Last year during my husbands deployment I took him to the pediatrician and explained what was going on. I had thought that he has had A.D.D. since about the age of 4 but no one would listen to me. I kept getting the standard answers "he's just a boy", "well you do have to take into consideration that his dad is gone" or "you have to take into consideration that his dad just came home."
For a while I accepted these answers. But last year I was at the end of my rope. I knew that something was different. I felt it. The way only a parent can. It took convincing my husband that Parker should take meds. In the end I decided Parker would take them. Ted was gone and it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission. But by the time Ted got here he was okay with it.
Parker's case is mild. I have worked in the school system and seen kids that are extreme. I'm thankful that I don't face those challenges. Which adds to my thoughts that maybe this isn't A.D.D.
The last year has been a struggle. Alternative parenting has seemed to work with Parker. We have changed medications a couple of times. I am thankful for a great pediatrician and counselor.
But lately I can't help but wonder if it's not A.D.D. I wonder if maybe it's something else. I'm not really sure what that something else is. When he takes his meds there isn't a whole lot of difference then when he doesn't. It does give him more focus but not much more. At our last medication check the pediatrician said that if I felt that this dose isn't working we should get a referral to a psychiatrist just to make sure something else isn't going on. I thought that this dose was working. But to be honest, it's summer. We aren't sitting for long periods of time or doing things that require him to be still.
If he is with an adult that is familiar to him he seems to do okay if I'm not there. It's when he is with an adult that he's not familiar with and I'm not around that we have a problem. He tends to tell stories or act out more. The latest episode was at Operation purple Camp. He did fine for the first few days. He was so excited to go. Then yesterday we get the call that every parent dreads. Parker isn't doing well. He made up a couple of stories that seemed real to him and he kept walking away from the group. I talked to the camp director and to Parker. Parker said he wanted to stay and try again. Today wasn't any better. I ended up having to go and pick him up today.
We've known that he has had an issue with fantasy vs. reality. He knows the difference for the most part. But if he has a dream that feels real he thinks it really happened. It's something that we have been working on in counseling.
The staff at OPC said that Parker was respectful he just was just withdrawn and didn't want to participate.
Driving to pick him up today I felt(and feel) like I have failed Parker some how. Like there could/should be more I am doing for him. Although I don't know what that is. I don't know if this is just an out of control child that I have created or if there is something more to it than that. I know that each child is different. We have 4 and they are all very different. But how can 1 of the 4 be completely off the map? How can I justify to the other three all the extra time that Parker requires?
I feel like I'm falling down on the job with Parker. I don't know how to put things on track with him and still balance life with the other 3. My husband is fixing to go TDY again. The latest round of it. He will come home and then deploy. I can see the effects deployment is having on Parker. His mood swings and general behavior are always worse when Ted comes and then goes again. All the kids act out a little. It's normal. Parker is usually off the map.
Do you ever feel like you are failing? I sure do.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
AND THEIR OFF.....
Round the corner and through the woods, turn at the light and down a dirt road. The kids are officially at Operation Purple Camp. All four children are there for the next 6 days.
Last year at this time my husband was deployed. The kids were at OPC and I was home alone. I caught up on sleep and worked. Since I have the ability to schedule my own hours I worked a lot while they were gone.
This year my husband is home. I am so excited to have him here and have no children. Since we are a blended family we have never been married without kids. We have always had children.
Today we finished packing the kids and got them all signed into camp. We came home and I cooked dinner for us. It was a strange situation to cook for just the two of us. I almost didn't know how to do that. When you are used to cooking for 6 it's a big adjustment. And not just a small family of six. My children are healthy eaters. They can put away some food. You couldn't tell it by looking at any of them but I think we should have them enter an eating contest because I am sure that they could win it.
On Wednesday my husband and I will head out of town for a couple of days. My dad and step mom gave us a gift cetificate for a local B&B. We are going to hang out and do nothing. Just enjoy being together and not having to hear the words MOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM or DDAAAAAAAADDDD being screamed at the top of any childs lungs.
I do hope the kids have a good time. I'm not missing them just yet. I am just hoping that the rain holds off and they are able to make some friends and enjoy their week. I guess we will hear all about it when they come home on Saturday morning.
Last year at this time my husband was deployed. The kids were at OPC and I was home alone. I caught up on sleep and worked. Since I have the ability to schedule my own hours I worked a lot while they were gone.
This year my husband is home. I am so excited to have him here and have no children. Since we are a blended family we have never been married without kids. We have always had children.
Today we finished packing the kids and got them all signed into camp. We came home and I cooked dinner for us. It was a strange situation to cook for just the two of us. I almost didn't know how to do that. When you are used to cooking for 6 it's a big adjustment. And not just a small family of six. My children are healthy eaters. They can put away some food. You couldn't tell it by looking at any of them but I think we should have them enter an eating contest because I am sure that they could win it.
On Wednesday my husband and I will head out of town for a couple of days. My dad and step mom gave us a gift cetificate for a local B&B. We are going to hang out and do nothing. Just enjoy being together and not having to hear the words MOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM or DDAAAAAAAADDDD being screamed at the top of any childs lungs.
I do hope the kids have a good time. I'm not missing them just yet. I am just hoping that the rain holds off and they are able to make some friends and enjoy their week. I guess we will hear all about it when they come home on Saturday morning.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
If not you, then who?
This past week we chatted with Carole, founder of Widows Wear Stilettos. We talked about what happens when we get stuck in the "why me" phase of life. You can listen to the whole show here
One of the things that Carole said is "If not you, then who?" That is a statement that has stuck with me. I have thought about it in everything I have done the last couple days.
If not you to run the teenage pregnancy center, then who? If not you to help the homeless, then who? If not you to battle cancer, then who? The list is endless. We are meant to have abundant life. God longs to have a relationship with us. Our thought of abundant life could be a different version than what God has.
I long to follow what God has planned for me. I want to always do the right thing and say the right thing. If God laughs He laughs at me often. I like to call my AHA moments HELLO Honey moments. Just like a friend tapping you on the shoulder saying hello honey did you just see what you did?
Truth is as I write this I starting thinking I have an abundant life. I have to much life to fit into one day. Just take a look at my to do list. There is never a list I have that is complete at the end of the day. It's always transferred to the next day. It makes me realize that I have an abundant life. If I truly have to much to do in one day I have more than enough. If I have enough for today then I am wealthy.
I am going to try and remember, if not me then who? I am going to try and apply it to daily living. Now I won't take it as far as saying "If I don't do the laundry, then who will?" We all know the answer to those questions. When we were painting I wished I could have been like I dream of Jeannie and nod my head and it was done. I wish I could do laundry the same way. But until God grants me that wish it is I who does the laundry.(mostly)It is I who pays the bills and runs the kids. But when it comes to things like a new ministry or volunteer at school or help a friend in need, instead of just saying yes or no to quickly I am going to stop and think "If not you, then who?"
I challenge you to try it for a week and see what happens. Let's write about it together.
One of the things that Carole said is "If not you, then who?" That is a statement that has stuck with me. I have thought about it in everything I have done the last couple days.
If not you to run the teenage pregnancy center, then who? If not you to help the homeless, then who? If not you to battle cancer, then who? The list is endless. We are meant to have abundant life. God longs to have a relationship with us. Our thought of abundant life could be a different version than what God has.
I long to follow what God has planned for me. I want to always do the right thing and say the right thing. If God laughs He laughs at me often. I like to call my AHA moments HELLO Honey moments. Just like a friend tapping you on the shoulder saying hello honey did you just see what you did?
Truth is as I write this I starting thinking I have an abundant life. I have to much life to fit into one day. Just take a look at my to do list. There is never a list I have that is complete at the end of the day. It's always transferred to the next day. It makes me realize that I have an abundant life. If I truly have to much to do in one day I have more than enough. If I have enough for today then I am wealthy.
I am going to try and remember, if not me then who? I am going to try and apply it to daily living. Now I won't take it as far as saying "If I don't do the laundry, then who will?" We all know the answer to those questions. When we were painting I wished I could have been like I dream of Jeannie and nod my head and it was done. I wish I could do laundry the same way. But until God grants me that wish it is I who does the laundry.(mostly)It is I who pays the bills and runs the kids. But when it comes to things like a new ministry or volunteer at school or help a friend in need, instead of just saying yes or no to quickly I am going to stop and think "If not you, then who?"
I challenge you to try it for a week and see what happens. Let's write about it together.
Monday, July 20, 2009
It feels like home again
Sorry for the delay in updating the blog! Buying our first home has been a journey. After switching lenders we were able to close on the house last week and then we had to move. I'm sure we can all relate to the things that go along with moving. I'm still trying to update our new address with everyone.
Last night we make smores with a friend and her children. For the first time in our military journey I feel like I am home. I feel like I belong here. The landlord can't come and kick us out, we can paint or put up a fence or rip out plants or plant a garden. There is something about being in our own home that makes this feel like home. The feeling you get when you go to your home town and sleep in your old bed. That is the feeling I have. I never realized that I didn't really feel this way before. But now that I can look back at the houses and places we lived(in 10 years we have lived in 6 states and 9 houses)and I always knew it wasn't a forever place. I always knew it was only a matter of time before we moved again. I tried to enjoy the places we have lived. I didn't always like them but we tried to make the most of every stop. Now that Ted is with a unit that he will stay with, that means no more moves for us. Until maybe retirement. We truly aren't going anywhere for a while. I have never experienced that feeling before.
I can actually start looking at different furniture and curtains and not worry about the cost vs. use. I don't have to worry about them not working in the next house. It will be at least 10 years before we move again. HOW GREAT IS THAT? I'm not sure I can handle accumulating stuff for 10 years before we move again. I'm used to getting rid of stuff every year or so.
Because we have moved so much I have become a pro at unpacking and putting things away. It drives my husband crazy. I put it away just to have it out of the boxes. Then I will usually move the items in the kitchen or bathroom until I find their exact new home. Ted will go TDY and come home and things are moved all over again. Yesterday he couldn't find the coffee and the coffee cups. It's just a moving pain. We have gotten good at adjusting to those.
We have more of a wooded yard at this house. Parker was outside today catching bugs. YUCK! I don't enjoy bugs. He wanted to keep them in the house. I found myself trying to rationalize with an 8 year old boy about why it's not a good idea to keep the bugs in his room with white carpet. His response to me was "mom the bugs will be lonely in the garage by themselves." How do you argue with that?
Things should return back to normal before to long. Thank you for hanging in there with me as we ventured down the journey of owning our first home.
Last night we make smores with a friend and her children. For the first time in our military journey I feel like I am home. I feel like I belong here. The landlord can't come and kick us out, we can paint or put up a fence or rip out plants or plant a garden. There is something about being in our own home that makes this feel like home. The feeling you get when you go to your home town and sleep in your old bed. That is the feeling I have. I never realized that I didn't really feel this way before. But now that I can look back at the houses and places we lived(in 10 years we have lived in 6 states and 9 houses)and I always knew it wasn't a forever place. I always knew it was only a matter of time before we moved again. I tried to enjoy the places we have lived. I didn't always like them but we tried to make the most of every stop. Now that Ted is with a unit that he will stay with, that means no more moves for us. Until maybe retirement. We truly aren't going anywhere for a while. I have never experienced that feeling before.
I can actually start looking at different furniture and curtains and not worry about the cost vs. use. I don't have to worry about them not working in the next house. It will be at least 10 years before we move again. HOW GREAT IS THAT? I'm not sure I can handle accumulating stuff for 10 years before we move again. I'm used to getting rid of stuff every year or so.
Because we have moved so much I have become a pro at unpacking and putting things away. It drives my husband crazy. I put it away just to have it out of the boxes. Then I will usually move the items in the kitchen or bathroom until I find their exact new home. Ted will go TDY and come home and things are moved all over again. Yesterday he couldn't find the coffee and the coffee cups. It's just a moving pain. We have gotten good at adjusting to those.
We have more of a wooded yard at this house. Parker was outside today catching bugs. YUCK! I don't enjoy bugs. He wanted to keep them in the house. I found myself trying to rationalize with an 8 year old boy about why it's not a good idea to keep the bugs in his room with white carpet. His response to me was "mom the bugs will be lonely in the garage by themselves." How do you argue with that?
Things should return back to normal before to long. Thank you for hanging in there with me as we ventured down the journey of owning our first home.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Walking By Faith Study
You'd think with all the long days I have ahead of me I would be sleeping. I can't sleep. I felt God prompting me all day to look at the days bible study and I kept putting it off. I don't even know where my bible is at the moment. I think it's packed in a box but I'm not sure. It would have been silly for me to pack it since I know I will need it, but since I can't find it I'm assuming I packed it.
As I read today's study I'm not sure I understand it. (I think that's partly because I am tired but can't sleep)I had to reread it about 3 times just to remember what I read. The biggest thing that sticks out to me is staying centered with God. Staying the course. Staying in a constant walk of faith with God. I'm not sure I know what that looks like. I think I have been walking by sight way more than I have been walking by faith.
I am struggling with this study and with the ministry. I want to be the leader God wants me to be, that He has called me to be. I don't want to be one that talks the talk and doesn't walk the walk. I find myself falling down on the job. Maybe I'm just more aware of it now than I was before.
I am excited to go through the study. I am excited to see how God will use it to show me how to walk by faith and stay centered. I know that God is a better tour guide than I could ever be. For some reason I still feel the need to take the control back. I still feel the need to pray about it and say here you go Lord, this is to big for me but continue on the same path not truly giving the situation or circumstances to God. Why do I do that? It's usually when I hit the rock bottom place where I truly seek the Lord and cry out for Him to help me because I can't do it. I can't fix it. I probably messed it up more than if I would have simply given Him the situation to begin with. It's when I hit that point of no return that I feel the Lord at work the most. Why can't I stay in that place? Why do I continue to leave and think I can do a better job? I know I can't. I won't even pretend to say that I can.
During the next 6 weeks I want to learn to stay centered and Walk by Faith and not by sight. I want to seek the Lord first, not last or some where in the middle. Lord, help us all to walk by faith and stay centered.
As I read today's study I'm not sure I understand it. (I think that's partly because I am tired but can't sleep)I had to reread it about 3 times just to remember what I read. The biggest thing that sticks out to me is staying centered with God. Staying the course. Staying in a constant walk of faith with God. I'm not sure I know what that looks like. I think I have been walking by sight way more than I have been walking by faith.
I am struggling with this study and with the ministry. I want to be the leader God wants me to be, that He has called me to be. I don't want to be one that talks the talk and doesn't walk the walk. I find myself falling down on the job. Maybe I'm just more aware of it now than I was before.
I am excited to go through the study. I am excited to see how God will use it to show me how to walk by faith and stay centered. I know that God is a better tour guide than I could ever be. For some reason I still feel the need to take the control back. I still feel the need to pray about it and say here you go Lord, this is to big for me but continue on the same path not truly giving the situation or circumstances to God. Why do I do that? It's usually when I hit the rock bottom place where I truly seek the Lord and cry out for Him to help me because I can't do it. I can't fix it. I probably messed it up more than if I would have simply given Him the situation to begin with. It's when I hit that point of no return that I feel the Lord at work the most. Why can't I stay in that place? Why do I continue to leave and think I can do a better job? I know I can't. I won't even pretend to say that I can.
During the next 6 weeks I want to learn to stay centered and Walk by Faith and not by sight. I want to seek the Lord first, not last or some where in the middle. Lord, help us all to walk by faith and stay centered.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
The frustration continues
I hear stories from my dad about a time when you took pride in your job. No matter what type of job you had you took pride in doing the work to the best of your ability. You were proud that you had a job to call your own. You were proud that you had a way to support your family.
At what point in our society did that change? At what point did we become a society where nothing is ever anyone's fault? No one messed up or at least wants to fess up to the mess up.
I become completely frustrated with companies and their customer service. It all starts with the automated voice attendant. Is it really to much to ask to NOT be stuck in voicemail hell before getting to live person. Some companies got smart to those of us that found a way around the system. You can no longer press "0" to be transfered right away. Instead you get "I'm sorry that's an invalid selection, please try again" UGHH.
Then I always seem to be the first call of the customer service agents career. I almost feel sorry for them. After dealing with my angry self they will probably quit. I think companies that employ customer service agents should have to make up a book with every possible question a customer can have and an answer to those questions. If they every aren't sure of a question a customer will ask, just call me. I have plenty of questions. Then they will at least have a guide to flip through while I am yelling at them.
Then there is the process of completely harassing someone and yelling at them just to get them to do their job. It seems to me that unless I become crazy woman they don't take me seriously. It's only after I turn into a bad PMDD comercial that someone says let me see what I can do.
Why is that? At what point did we become a society that could careless about your fellow neighbor and could give a rip about your job? At what point did we allow people who are polite and considerate of the people working for said company at the bottom of the list? At what point do I have to turn into PMDD lady for someone to get on the phone and help the process? I wish there would be a button to push for that. If you feel like you are going to turn into PMDD lady during this call please push 4 and an agent will be right with you.
At what point in our society did that change? At what point did we become a society where nothing is ever anyone's fault? No one messed up or at least wants to fess up to the mess up.
I become completely frustrated with companies and their customer service. It all starts with the automated voice attendant. Is it really to much to ask to NOT be stuck in voicemail hell before getting to live person. Some companies got smart to those of us that found a way around the system. You can no longer press "0" to be transfered right away. Instead you get "I'm sorry that's an invalid selection, please try again" UGHH.
Then I always seem to be the first call of the customer service agents career. I almost feel sorry for them. After dealing with my angry self they will probably quit. I think companies that employ customer service agents should have to make up a book with every possible question a customer can have and an answer to those questions. If they every aren't sure of a question a customer will ask, just call me. I have plenty of questions. Then they will at least have a guide to flip through while I am yelling at them.
Then there is the process of completely harassing someone and yelling at them just to get them to do their job. It seems to me that unless I become crazy woman they don't take me seriously. It's only after I turn into a bad PMDD comercial that someone says let me see what I can do.
Why is that? At what point did we become a society that could careless about your fellow neighbor and could give a rip about your job? At what point did we allow people who are polite and considerate of the people working for said company at the bottom of the list? At what point do I have to turn into PMDD lady for someone to get on the phone and help the process? I wish there would be a button to push for that. If you feel like you are going to turn into PMDD lady during this call please push 4 and an agent will be right with you.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Today I feel free and frustrated
Well, who would have thought that this house buying process would get any more chaotic? I sure didn't.
I really wanted to be closed by the end of June so we could move out before the 1st of July and not have to pay rent. The end of June came and went and we still don't have a closing date. The more time that goes buy the more I am convinced we will be living in the Motel 6 for a few weeks.
Today I had to write our last rent check. That is a very freeing feeling. I felt like I was fighting an up hill battle to try and get closed and moved before the end of June. Then today after I wrote the rent check I felt free. We have 13 more days until we have to be out of this house. Doesn't matter where we go from here, we just have to be out of here in 13 days. I'm hoping that we will be closed on our house by this time next week. Only God knows if that will happen. We are truly only 30 days from our accepted offer.(tomorrow will be 30 days) July 8th will be 30 days that the bank has had all of our paperwork.
When I called the rental agency today I found out that we had no choice but to pay for the rent through July 14. I misunderstood her when she called to tell us we had to get out. It is a POSSIBILITY that they will prorate the rent and refund any portion we don't end up using. But she couldn't guarantee that because it's up to the owners. Maybe God was trying to plan this part all along and I just wasn't listening. I bet He knew that we had to pay those 14 days of rent. I bet it works out in His plan that we are here a few more days.
I do have faith that God has bigger and better plans for us than I do. I also have faith that God is way more capable of navigating this ship than I am. He has always taken care of us. He has always given us a place to live and met our needs.
I am frustrated that this process is overwhelming and chaotic. I am frustrated that things can't move faster. I'm frustrated that I am the middle man between my husband and the realtor and the messaging service for the mortgage broker. Right or wrong I told my husband that he needs to coordinate phone calls and things. I can't keep being the middle person. I get frustrated because I have no idea what is going on and then we get frustrated with each other because we talked to different people and don't know what's going on. I will admit that I am frustrated with my husband. I think he knows that. I feel like he isn't putting enough pressure on the mortgage broker. But my husband is a very laid back person. He is a very "it happens when it happens" type person. I am a very "let's get it done yesterday" person. So in situations like these it tends to add friction to our relationship.
I do know that the underwriters have asked for an amendment to our contract because the wrong zip code was on the contract and they have asked for our proof of insurance today. I'm hoping that since they have asked for the insurance paperwork we are getting to the final steps. Since I have no idea what the underwriting process is, I have no idea if we are close or not. I do know they have also looked at our credit and our income.
But today I am at peace about it. I wanted it to happen yesterday. Even two weeks ago. But I am reminded on a daily basis that I am on God's timing not my own. God's timing is perfect. God will put us in the house when we were meant to be. I just pray that it's more than 24 hours before we have to be out of this house!
I really wanted to be closed by the end of June so we could move out before the 1st of July and not have to pay rent. The end of June came and went and we still don't have a closing date. The more time that goes buy the more I am convinced we will be living in the Motel 6 for a few weeks.
Today I had to write our last rent check. That is a very freeing feeling. I felt like I was fighting an up hill battle to try and get closed and moved before the end of June. Then today after I wrote the rent check I felt free. We have 13 more days until we have to be out of this house. Doesn't matter where we go from here, we just have to be out of here in 13 days. I'm hoping that we will be closed on our house by this time next week. Only God knows if that will happen. We are truly only 30 days from our accepted offer.(tomorrow will be 30 days) July 8th will be 30 days that the bank has had all of our paperwork.
When I called the rental agency today I found out that we had no choice but to pay for the rent through July 14. I misunderstood her when she called to tell us we had to get out. It is a POSSIBILITY that they will prorate the rent and refund any portion we don't end up using. But she couldn't guarantee that because it's up to the owners. Maybe God was trying to plan this part all along and I just wasn't listening. I bet He knew that we had to pay those 14 days of rent. I bet it works out in His plan that we are here a few more days.
I do have faith that God has bigger and better plans for us than I do. I also have faith that God is way more capable of navigating this ship than I am. He has always taken care of us. He has always given us a place to live and met our needs.
I am frustrated that this process is overwhelming and chaotic. I am frustrated that things can't move faster. I'm frustrated that I am the middle man between my husband and the realtor and the messaging service for the mortgage broker. Right or wrong I told my husband that he needs to coordinate phone calls and things. I can't keep being the middle person. I get frustrated because I have no idea what is going on and then we get frustrated with each other because we talked to different people and don't know what's going on. I will admit that I am frustrated with my husband. I think he knows that. I feel like he isn't putting enough pressure on the mortgage broker. But my husband is a very laid back person. He is a very "it happens when it happens" type person. I am a very "let's get it done yesterday" person. So in situations like these it tends to add friction to our relationship.
I do know that the underwriters have asked for an amendment to our contract because the wrong zip code was on the contract and they have asked for our proof of insurance today. I'm hoping that since they have asked for the insurance paperwork we are getting to the final steps. Since I have no idea what the underwriting process is, I have no idea if we are close or not. I do know they have also looked at our credit and our income.
But today I am at peace about it. I wanted it to happen yesterday. Even two weeks ago. But I am reminded on a daily basis that I am on God's timing not my own. God's timing is perfect. God will put us in the house when we were meant to be. I just pray that it's more than 24 hours before we have to be out of this house!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
I simply cannot take much more
I am at my breaking point. Maybe it was God's intent on bringing me here in the first place. Because in this place I give up. I mean completely give up. I simply say it's all for you God because I can't take one more minute of it.
Maybe God is trying to teach me patience. I never have had any and I don't think I ever will. Maybe it's just me over thinking the whole process.
Last week our paperwork went to underwriting for our house. We knew they were working on it because they kept asking for paper after paper after paper. Then our mortgage broker was out of the office on Fri until 11 on Monday.(yesterday)
I'm tired of miscommunications. I'm tired of "paperwork is processing" I'm just plain tired. For some reason I am getting sick. I know it's partly because of stress but I am simply at my breaking point. How much processing can paperwork actually go through before the paper actually falls apart?
I feel like I am screaming to "God PLEASE HELP ME, I can't do this anymore. It's to much." But I don't feel like I am being heard. It feels like I am the white noise in the background that no one hears.
I just need this process to be over. I need to move. If this process takes much longer we will be without a home. We have to be out of this house in 15 days. I have a feeling I am going to be living at Motel 6. At least they will leave the light on for me.
Maybe God is trying to teach me patience. I never have had any and I don't think I ever will. Maybe it's just me over thinking the whole process.
Last week our paperwork went to underwriting for our house. We knew they were working on it because they kept asking for paper after paper after paper. Then our mortgage broker was out of the office on Fri until 11 on Monday.(yesterday)
I'm tired of miscommunications. I'm tired of "paperwork is processing" I'm just plain tired. For some reason I am getting sick. I know it's partly because of stress but I am simply at my breaking point. How much processing can paperwork actually go through before the paper actually falls apart?
I feel like I am screaming to "God PLEASE HELP ME, I can't do this anymore. It's to much." But I don't feel like I am being heard. It feels like I am the white noise in the background that no one hears.
I just need this process to be over. I need to move. If this process takes much longer we will be without a home. We have to be out of this house in 15 days. I have a feeling I am going to be living at Motel 6. At least they will leave the light on for me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
