You'd think with all the long days I have ahead of me I would be sleeping. I can't sleep. I felt God prompting me all day to look at the days bible study and I kept putting it off. I don't even know where my bible is at the moment. I think it's packed in a box but I'm not sure. It would have been silly for me to pack it since I know I will need it, but since I can't find it I'm assuming I packed it.
As I read today's study I'm not sure I understand it. (I think that's partly because I am tired but can't sleep)I had to reread it about 3 times just to remember what I read. The biggest thing that sticks out to me is staying centered with God. Staying the course. Staying in a constant walk of faith with God. I'm not sure I know what that looks like. I think I have been walking by sight way more than I have been walking by faith.
I am struggling with this study and with the ministry. I want to be the leader God wants me to be, that He has called me to be. I don't want to be one that talks the talk and doesn't walk the walk. I find myself falling down on the job. Maybe I'm just more aware of it now than I was before.
I am excited to go through the study. I am excited to see how God will use it to show me how to walk by faith and stay centered. I know that God is a better tour guide than I could ever be. For some reason I still feel the need to take the control back. I still feel the need to pray about it and say here you go Lord, this is to big for me but continue on the same path not truly giving the situation or circumstances to God. Why do I do that? It's usually when I hit the rock bottom place where I truly seek the Lord and cry out for Him to help me because I can't do it. I can't fix it. I probably messed it up more than if I would have simply given Him the situation to begin with. It's when I hit that point of no return that I feel the Lord at work the most. Why can't I stay in that place? Why do I continue to leave and think I can do a better job? I know I can't. I won't even pretend to say that I can.
During the next 6 weeks I want to learn to stay centered and Walk by Faith and not by sight. I want to seek the Lord first, not last or some where in the middle. Lord, help us all to walk by faith and stay centered.