Sunday, June 7, 2009

Surprise me God....I forget what day this is

Sorry for being absent from the blog. I'm not sure what I haven't blogged. Although there haven't been many surprises lately. Except for today. I have had a great ongoing conversation with God the last couple days. It is surprising that I am willing to keep the conversation going that long. Usually I hear something from God and say "yep, I don't think so Lord, please change what you'd like me to do."

I am beginning to think that this moving business was part of the enemy's way of getting in the way of the ministry that I am trying to form. We were sailing along. This were actually going better than I thought they would be at this point. Then we get the word to move. I really thought it was God telling us it was time to move on. But now after the conversation I have been having with the Lord I am not so sure this move came from Him. Because of this move everything with the ministry has taken a backseat. I do mean everything. I have managed to do the show and not really anything else.

Also, because of this move, our boys may have to be home schooled for another year or will have to return to a public school. God doesn't get in the way of His children doing what they are called to do. Satan does. I don't think this move is from God but I think He has blessed our path. The house we are about to close on is bigger than we thought we could afford, in a neighborhood that we thought we couldn't afford, has the right amount of land and we have a small subdivision. Those were things that were on the top of our list and God saw to it that we were provided for. He saw to it that we received the appropriate financing and the best people to work with. He has given me peace about moving. I hate to leave our current subdivision but I know we will be so happy in OUR own home.

Trying to close this fast on a house is not common. Usually you have a couple months to work through the things that need to get done. I keep saying that God is bigger than paperwork and God will see to it that we get what we need when we need it. I believe that. I, however, have felt the need to have a checklist of things that need to get done when and know what step we are currently on and who to yell at if it isn't moving fast enough. But is that really allowing God to work? Is that really believing that God is bigger than this paperwork mess? I don't think so. I have chosen to release the checklist.(although I never really had one to begin with, since we have never bought a house I have no idea what the process is) I do believe that we have to be obedient and follow God's lead. God will show us what needs to be done. I just have to have faith. Faith that God will take the lead, just like always. Faith that God will lead us where we need to be when. I need to lose the checklist and have a faith list. I am going to make a list of things I need to say to myself when I feel the need to control the situation. That will remind me to have faith in God and to let Him control the situation. Not me and my clipboard.

Since this whole moving business has come about I have felt distant from God. I haven't made time for Him. I am the one that has been away to long. He has been here waiting for me to return to our daily conversations. Through this whole process the Lord has had us in the palm of His hand guiding our journey. I am the one who has not trusted God with the process. I wanted to control the process. I feel like I have talked the talked and not walked the walked these past few weeks. I have strayed away from the secure feeling of doing what God wants me to do and filled it with junk. Really it is just junk. Moving is stressful and chaotic and lots of things have to be done but why can't I seem to find 10 minutes for God? Why can't I seem to find quiet? It's because I simply haven't done it.

So the surprise over the last couple of days is that I realized I have strayed away. I realized that even though not all things come from God, He has the power to change everything for His glory. Remember that no matter what secrets you think you have hid deep inside you, God knows them and He loves you anyway. He knows everything about you and still loves you to pieces. I am blessed to know that. I am blessed to feel that love. I am blessed to be here sharing that simple thing with you.

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