Overwhelmed

Yep that's me right now. Ted just left for another TDY trip. This makes three in just as many months. For the record he has actually been gone more than home the last three months with no end in site. I am normally okay with these transitions. I'm becoming an old pro at it. But today when I had to leave to take Tanner to practice I almost had a break down. Not because I can't do it, not because he'll be gone forever(this TDY is 3 weeks), but I think I am just tired.

I'm tired of having to fix and step into the arguments with the kids. The boys are forever at each other now that they are both home schooled. I'm tired of coming home from errands knowing that Ted won't be here. We never did anything significant but he won't be here to just sit with at night.

Last night we went to dinner for his birthday, which is next week. Just him and I. Normally I feel like he is the one disconnecting and pulling away before a trip but this time I know it's me. I even said to him don't you feel disconnected from me? He said no. But yet I feel disconnected some how.

I just sit here with all of this junk and I don't know what to do with it. How do I just get passed it and move on and be normal again? I really want a HUGE bar of chocolate and to lay in the bed and watch sappy movies. I feel ridiculous for feeling like this. It is only a three week trip. I feel like someone needs to slap me across the face so I snap out of it already. But since my really good friends who would do that and not think twice are far away, I guess I keep praying for grace and strength to help it pass.