Wednesday, March 25, 2009


Is it right to have jealousy in your heart if you are a Christian? I think probably not. But I can't help but feel that way.
My husband is gone again TDY. I'm tired of being left behind because of the Army. I'm tired of feeling like I have the worst job and he is off playing Army. I realize he sees it different then I do but this is how I feel right now. I know he hates leaving us. I know he works when he is gone but I see the fun part. Dinner with the guys. Drinks in the lobby. I think I am most jealous because he gets to have an adventure while I feel like I am in lock down. I am screaming at kids to take a bath, go to the bathroom, practice piano, running them to practice and making sure 25forms are signed and turned in. Only to do it again tomorrow with no end in site. No break for me. I am up late to keep things running only to do it again tomorrow. There is no variety. Now that the boys are home schooled I truly don't have 5 minutes to myself. I know this is my job and I am grateful that I have the opportunity to stay home with the kids and we can financially do it. I have a husband who has always worked hard to make sure we have what we need and I have had the opportunity to have many different jobs or no job at all.
Then there are people in my life who have to struggle to make ends meet and see to it that they have what they need and there are people who constantly are getting bailed out. Why are the people that always make bad decisions the ones that get bailed out? When do I get a bail out? When do I get to have someone say you need 5 minutes to yourself I'll take care of the kids and whatever needs to be done and you just go. Now truth be told I would probably turn them done at their offer but just the thought that someone saw my need and offered to help would be a relief.
This to shall pass and I know that. But this is where I am right now. I know I'm not alone. I'm not the only spouse to have felt this way or is maybe feeling this way right now. When you are in the middle of it, it feels like you are the only one. It feels like no one else will understand. This is my new kind of normal. TDY's and being left. Just when I think that I have adjusted to life of a special ops soldier I get slapped with something else.
Why is it we get our cups filled up only to have a small leak in them?

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